It's So Cold...

The wind bit at my skin. Bit, scratched, stabbed-telling me over and over to cover myself. Stop with the stubbornness. Put a coat on. But I ignored the longing and spread out my arms, moaning deeply and letting a sob escape my throat as my mind screamed at me to warm myself. Screamed, begged, pleaded for warmth. I bent my head back and let out a screech, a cry for help. His eyes, dancing, smiling, laughing, played over and over in my head. Screams, screams, escaping my throat-but all I could feel was the cold. All I could see was the cold. "Darling," that person, so distant now, so fake, "Come inside now."

Come inside now, sweetheart.

You're going to freeze to death, beautiful.

Lovely, what are you doing out there?

More screams. More cries. Who were they coming from, though? Me? Or someone else. Someone outside of myself, someone impossibly determined to bring him back. That distant person closed their eyes begged again, "Come in now, darling. He's gone now."

He's gone, darling.

You need to move on, sweetheart.

He's not coming back, lovely.

"No," I moaned, my hands up at my eyes. "No, no, no." Arms. Around me. Folded around my waist, pulling me away from the cold. "Stop. Don't bring me back inside. Stop it! Stop it now!"

She's not getting any better.

We've done everything we can.

She's beyond the stage of help, ma'am.

I'm afraid there's nothing more we can do.

Was there really? For me, was I done for, was I beyond the point where I could return to sanity? But more than that, for him? Was there nothing more they could have done? Could they not have saved him-if only we had a little more time, a little more money, a little more warmth?

It's so cold...

Come inside, you'll be warm.

...will I? Ever again?

© 2010