I Hate You. Really? I Love You. part 4

This story is dedicated to my amazing older sister, Chelsea! I love you Chels!

"What's wrong?" Jonathon asked, genuinely concerned. I smiled at him, "Nothing. Just...thinking."
"About what?" I looked over at my friends who were totally engrossed in a conversation about a rumor Jayd heard in History class. Since they weren't paying attention to us, I figured 'what have I got to lose?' "Kellan," I said honestly. Jonathon looked slightly disappointed as I said that, and for some reason his expression made me quickly say, "I was thinking about how awful our relationship was." Obviously empathetic, he didn't brighten. "I'm sorry," he said. I shrugged, "No big deal. Its over now, right?" I half stated/half asked. He shrugged, "I don't know. Is it?" I was shocked by that answer. I thought that was a 'yes' question. I didn't expect any other response. "Um...I don't know...is it ever really over?" I replied, realizing the truth in my words as I said them. He smiled, "I think it can be. But I think you have to find someone else that you truly care about before you can completely move on, you know? How long was your relationship with Kellan?" Completely shocked by Jonathon's speak-your-mind opinion on the subject of moving on in relationships, I stuttered as I said, "A...a yea-year I think. Almost a year." He nodded, "Yea, you'll have to find someone who really means a lot to you to get over that one. When you're in a relatinship with someone, especially a long one, you get used to them being there and comforting you and loving you and caring for you. When all that suddenly goes away, there's a physical and mental breakdown because you're shocked. Suddenly your whole daily pattern is changed, your mental and physical path is different. Maybe you don't take a certain route home from school because its longer and you only used to walk that way to see the person. Your daydreams aren't filled with the person, and that person doesn't come up behind you and kiss you on the cheek or tug on your hair. Its a big and drastic change." My eyes widened and Jonathon blushed, "Sorry for the monologue. I get carried away sometimes." I smiled and shook my head, "No, its ok. I understand. That was very helpful. It sounds like..." I stopped myself and looked down at my food, moving the totally nasty looking peas on my plate around with my plastic fork. He looked at me, "It sounds like what?" I looked up at him, blushed slightly, and quietly said, "It sounds like you have a lot of experience." He instantly turned beet red. "Um...uh...no, actually, I just...uh...it was only once," he stuttered. I raised one eyebrow and he continued, "Um...yea...it was just...this one girl. I thought I loved her, I really did. But then when she dumped me...I thought I hated her. But you can't love and hate the same person, can you?" He looked up at me and I felt for a split second like I was looking in a mirror. A mirror with a very attractive male version of myself, but still, a reflection.

© 2009