Dear Recipe Book,
Ok, so, normally I would give you a recipe before I ranted about girl stuff, but today I need to rant first.
I tried to squeeze Laurie like a lemon but I had no such luck. She wouldn’t breath a word! I asked her if she knew who Phil was taking to the dance, and she said I should ask him myself. I said that she was being a stinky poophead and she knew that I would never say anything of the sort to him ‘cause of my serious case of B.I.a.C.C. (belonging in a chicken coop.) So I asked again, and she said I would just have to wait and see. When I reminded her of my serious lack of patience, she laughed and said, “Patience is a virtue,” to which I replied, “Which I do not carry,” to which she said nothing. UUUUGGGH!
Unsqueezable Lemon Juice
1/2 cup fresh SQUEEZED lemon juice (lemon juice may NOT be substituted. ESPECIALLY by prune juice)
1/2 box candy hearts
1/4 cup water
1 drop blue food coloring (the opposite of red, which represents love)
1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
So anyway, I was walking home and this stupid head on a bike pulled right up in front of me and ran over my toes! “OOOOWWW!” I screamed. He laughed and kept going, and I yelled after him, “YOU STUPID PILE OF TOXIC WASTE!” He turned his head to look at me with this expression like I was a total psycho and I yelled, “YOU ARE GOING TO GROW OLD AND BECOME A CAT LADY WITH NO LIFE AND 27 STUPID CATS!” He looked back at me again, this time looking like I was more than a psycho and he needed to get away fast, and I yelled, “YEA THAT’S RIGHT! A CAT LADY!” He pedaled faster. I guess I forgot that people who don’t go to our school are more used to comments like, “YOU JERK!” or “WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?!” Yea well, I still think he’s a toxic pile of waste. But maybe he’ll have 26 cats.
So now I need to continue on to the strange yet glorious event that occurred directly after my screaming fest at the random biking kid. I heard someone behind me laugh and turned around to find this gloriously hot guy standing there, practically basking in his own glory, clapping for me. “Nicely done. You go to Jamestown High, I suspect?” he said. I smiled and said, “Yes. The randomly named building filled with a bunch of dumbies who falsely claim that the place is a school.” He laughed, “Well, that’s interesting. What’s your name?”
“Junebug D.I.C.” I replied. “What does ‘D.I.C.’ stand for?” he replied with a smile. “Dumby in command,” I said. (I’m not shy.) He laughed, “I should have known.” I smiled, “Yes, you really should have, everyone else in this town does.” He nodded, “That would make sense then, ‘cause I’m new around these parts.”
“Really...where are you going to school?”
“Jamestown. I actually started yesterday, but I still hadn’t caught word of you being the D.I.C.”
“Well, now you know.”
“Now I know.”
Ok, so, I know it may seem kinda weird that I memorized everything we said to each other, but...I’m a really weird person! You should know that by now!
Here’s a few songs that you absolutely MUST hear if you ever become a human:
Girl by Jim Sturgess
Hey Jude by Joe Anderson
All You Need is Love by Dana Fuchs and Jim Sturgess
Those songs are all from the movie Across the Universe. You should also watch that movie if you become a human.
C.T,I.R.,
Junebug D.I.C
© 2009.
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