Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 35

Tyler stood in the doorway and smiled at me, "I'll see you later. Guess I've got some packing to do." I smiled sadly and nodded, "Yea. See you later, I guess." He waved and drove off. I watched until I couldn't see his car anymore. I closed my eyes and felt a breeze brush my hair on my face. Tyler was moving. I stared at the empty house and listened to Jake's music, loud even on the first floor. I walked up the stares, down the hallway to my room, and opened the door. I walked over to the side door in my room. I put my hand on the knob for the first time since Dustin's death. I started to turn the knob slowly but then had a random burst of anger and ripped the door open. I looked down the short hallway. There were three rooms in this hallway. My family and I had lived in this house since I was five, and my parents still didn't know about this hallway. Actually, I think they may have noticed it once or twice, but they thought it would cost to much money to clean up so they left it for Dustin and I to play in. And Dustin and I had played in it. We had played in it every day until our thirteenth birthday. Then we no longer 'played'. We instead 'hung out'. (Which, as you probably know, is just playing with a different word to make it sound more mature.) After that, Dustin and I went in the hallway almost everyday and read or talked. Sometimes we brought our lap top in their so that we could have privacy while we did video chat, even though our bedroom was already the only occupied room on the third floor. We had gotten the house for cheap way back when because the street was so lonely and the house was so old and beat up. My dad had done most of the renovations himself with my uncle, who's a contractor. I stepped into the hallway, flipped the light switch, and closed the door. Two of the three lights in the hallway flickered on after I flipped the switch a few times. One of the light bulbs obviously needed to be changed. I looked up at the dead light bulb and made a mental note to change it. I looked at the two doors on either side of me and the the beautifully carved door at the end of the hallway. I walked forward, ignoring the doors on my sides that led to empty rooms that were probably dust coated. I turned the nob to the room at the end of the hallway and stepped in. I smiled as I saw the easy-bake-oven, the small table my dad had carved for us, and the chest my grandfather had made for us for Christmas one year. The chest was full of things we had used in this room. Dress up clothes from when we were young, novels, dvds and art supplies. I smiled, opened the chest, and pulled out Dustin's dusty sketch pad. I smiled as I opened it and looked through her beautiful drawings.There was a sketch of a girl in a long white dress running through a rose garden. There was a photograph that had been taped in of a deer standing motionlessly in closely packed fir trees. There was another sketch, but this one was of a girl with her head on the shoulder of a boy wearing a football uniform. A sketch of her and her old boyfriend. I sighed and closed the sketch pad. Her drawings had always been the place where she truly expressed herself. She never showed her elegant or romantic side in public. But here, no one could judge her. Here, everyone loved her. Everyone loved us.

© 2009

The Elegance of a Death Whisperer Part 2

Charles

"What was that about?" Sadie asked. I shook my head, "Don't ask me. I honestly don't understand what's going on here."

"Dude, this girl is weird. Maybe you should just stay away from her. She looks like bad news to me, man," Jason said as he plopped down on my couch. "Shut up, Jason," I grumbled as I sat in front of the fire and rubbed my hands together. Addie shook her head and said, "I don't know, Charles. Jason has a point. When you fall, you fall hard. And no one wants to fall hard for some psycho freak." I half-smiled into the fire as I said, "Its too late now."

Katie

I walked into school the next day feeling extremely paranoid. It was like at any moment the death whisperer that attacked Jamie would jump out at me. Obviously, that was totally impossible since I was sitting in a classroom with extremely bright fluorescent lights and the whisperer wasn't even after me, but I was still freaked out. "You ok?" Charles whispered. I jumped at the faint sound. I took a deep breath in and said, "Yea. Sorry, I had a rough night." He nodded, "Yea. You did." I smiled at him. His blue eyes lit up at my smile. "Hey, you wanna get some dinner with me tonight?" he asked quickly. My eyebrows raised. "Um...sure." Dinner with Charles. This should be interesting.

Charles

I pulled into the Ruby's parking lot. Katie looked shocked. "Here?" she asked in surprise. I laughed, "Its not exactly five star, but Addie and Sadie work here." She nodded, "I wasn't expecting five star, its just..." I looked at her as her expression changed to one that I had never seen before on anyone. I thought maybe it was something only death whisperers could do or something. She shrugged and the weird expression cleared, "I don't know. I just like this place, I guess." I smiled, "Well then, you're in luck. This one's on me." She laughed and stepped into the small fifty's style restaurant looking like she was born there.

"Charles! You brought your girl!" Sadie said excitedly as she roller skated quickly over to us. "Hi," Katie said confidently. "What's up?!" Jason yelled as he hurried over to us. I laughed, "Jason, do you ever leave?" He looked at me like I was crazy, and then said, just to justify his expression, "You crazy? My girl works here, man! Free food and extra time with my girl! Why would I ever leave?" Katie laughed loudly and everyone smiled. You can't help but smile when a death whisperer laughs. Especially this one.

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 34

Her eyes were wide and her mouth was open. "Y-you-you're moving?" she whispered. A strange filled sensation went through my body as I heard her ached voice. But I was also filled with sadness as I took in her just-got-out-of-bed hair, outfit, and face. Beneath her eyelids was smeared with black from make up she had been wearing the day before. Her long black hair was tangled but still looked beautiful as it messily flew about her face from the morning breeze. She was wearing a big T-shirt that said "Class of 06" in big red letters and had signatures all over it. She had on purple pajama shorts that barely showed under the long shirt. "Come in, come in," she said, waving me in and closing the door behind me, looking like the mother of the girl with cancer in that movie scene where the boyfriend shows up at the girlfriend's house right after finding out about the girl's disease.

My pulse was going at at least a hundred miles and hour, I'm sure. The air had drained out of my body. "Go, sit on the couch," I said as I closed the door behind him. He sat down and watched as I slowly made my way to the couch and sat down very straight next to him. "Um..."

"Just give me a minute to process this," I said. He half-smiled. "How far are you going to be from here?" I asked. He paused and looked at me before he said, "Its a few hours by car." I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes. "Ok," I whispered. I stood up, "Let's go tell Jake."

I was surprised by Angela's reaction. She did lose her breath for a second, but then she just

moved on. She knocked on Jake's door. "COME IN!" he yelled over the blasting music that I didn't recognize. She opened the door and walked over to Jake's computer, pressing the space bar and silencing the loud music. "Hey! I was listening to that!" Jake yelled in an irritated tone. "Tyler's moving," she said bluntly. Jake looked at me and smiled sadly, "Nice knowin' ya, dude." Angela rolled her eyes, "And Milly's going with him." Jake blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. He looked at the floor, "Milly's moving?" I felt bad for him. Milly was an amazing girl, and I didn't blame him for falling for her, which he clearly had. Angela nodded sadly. He looked up at the poster of Green Day on his wall and shrugged. "Whatever," he said, "Its not like I knew her that long. And we're not going out or anything." He looked up at Angela as if asking her for assurance that what he was saying was true. Angela shook her head, "I'm sorry Jake." He shrugged again, "Whatever. Turn my music back on when you leave, will ya?" Angela sighed, pressed the space bar again, and closed Jake's door behind us. "He didn't take that well," she said sadly. I looked at her curiously and she continued, "After Dustin...well, its just not really good for him to lose someone right now." I nodded my head like I understood, but I was really confused. Hadn't Dustin just moved out? I mean, sure, it was probably sad when she left for whatever reason, but guys aren't really known to be particularly emotional. So what was really going on with Dustin?

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 33

"NO! NO, NO, NO, NO!" Milly yelled as my grandma and I told her about the move. "I'm NOT moving! Not again! Not with them! I'm not living with them!" she yelled as loud as possible. Milly had hated our parents since they broke up, and she refused to ever forgive them. Not that I had forgiven them, either. She was just a little more forceful about it. "Honey," grandma started. Milly cut her off, "I'm NOT moving back with them and there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!" She screamed and ran up the long staircase, slamming her bedroom door. I whinced. "Sweetheart," my grandma called up the staircase. I walke dinto the kitchen and pulled my self a cup of milk. "Give it up, grandma, the girl's not moving," I said before I took a long chug of the milk. Grandma sent me a death glare. I put my hands up, "Alright, alright! Suit yourself." Her eyes narrowed. I sighed and goraned, "I'll go talk to her." Grandma smiled, "Thank you, deary! I'm going to make some cookies." I rolled my eyes and trudged up the endless staircase. That staircase never made any sense to me. It was really, really long and once you got to the top, there was Milly's room. Just Milly's room. If you're going to have a house that could fit four floors, you might as well have a hallway with a lot of rooms. I knocked on Milly's door. "Milly?" I yelled over the Good Charlotte balsting in her room. "GO AWAY!" she yelled. I sighed, "Milly, its just me. Let me in." She opened the door and fell backwards onto the mattress on her floor. "I can't believe this! I don't want to move! Especially with them!" she yelled. I sighed and fell down on the bed next to her. "That makes two of us," I replied, staring up at the huge Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance posters on her ceiling. She sighed and said, "You can't tell anyone this, but I think Jake is gonna ask me out. I don't want to move right now!" I sighed too, wanting to say, "Don't tell anyone this, but I think I might ask Angela out, and I don't want to move right now either!" but instead saying, "I can't believe they didn't give us any warning."

"I know!" she shrieked, "I can't believe this! They haven't called in forever and now they think they can just prance up and say, "Hey! You're moving in with us!" I nodded. Milly sat up and turned her music up. It blared into my ears. Personally, I didn't think it was particularly comforting, but it was her room, her rules. She sighed and lay back down next to me. "I don't want to leave," she whispered, her eyes filling with water. I turned to face her as she said, "I was finally starting to be happy again. And now its ruined." My heart melted. I couldn't bare this. I stroked her hair, something that normally would have freaked both of us out, and said, "Its ok. We'll get through this together." She smiled weakly at my cheesy rescue line and said, "Yea, let's hope so."

© 2009

Juvy part 7

I walked into the cafeteria and found chaos and the smell of smoke. I saw flames spewing out of the kitchen windows. Emergency exits were being pushed open and people were hurriedly running out of the buliding, alarms blaring. I widened my eyes as the handlers threw buckets of water on the fire and sprayed it with hoses. The fire went down but the kids refused to calm down. I turned to exit the buliding and found a huge crowd of kids blocking the door. Although I knew the fire couldn't reach me, I felt myself panicking. The exits were all blocked by crowds of kids frantically escaping. I turned around, facing the panicked cafeteria and making myself freak out more. I froze as I felt hands grab my arms and pull me away from the exit. I started screaming, the panic going to my head. Juvy pushed me against a wall and said, "STOP SCREAMING!" I closed my mouth and let myself be calmed by his angry sea foam green eyes. He pulled me away from the wall and pushed me toward the exit with the smallest crowd. He forced me through the crowd and outside of the building. I gasped for air, smoke exiting my lungs. He pulled me toward a tree and pushed me down so I was leaning against the trunk. He sat down in front of me and stroked my hair, staring into my eyes. I closed my eyes, letting myself float away in the feeling of Juvy's hand on my face. Suddenly I felt his lips on my cheek and my eyelids flew open. He put his head on my shoulder and said, "Never put yourself in danger again."

"I didn't actually do it on pur-" I started, but he put his hand on my mouth and said, "Be more careful." I nodded and let him keep his head on my shoulder as I marveled over the feeling that still lingered on my cheek. A handler walked over to us and cleared his throat loudly. I jumped up but Juvy looked totally unworried and slightly annoyed. "Juvy, we need to check your-"

"Yea. I know," Juvy replied in an irritated tone. The handler waited and Juvy sighed and stood up, walking away behind the handler in the direction of the nurse's office. I watched them walk away and wondered what they were checking. Was he allergic to smoke or something? No, it couldn't be that, he wasn't having any physical reactions. I sighed and started walking over to a table where food had been set out. The fire was gone but the cafeteria was still filled with smoke. I took a plate with food and headed back to my cabin. "That was scary," a girl said from her top bunk. I looked up and saw that KG was the one who had said it. It was weird sitting with all the girls in the cabin before lights out time. I was surrounded by brunettes and red heads but I realized that there wasn't a single blonde in the room. Figures. During the first couple weeks here, the girls in this room had been the only people I talked to. I sat with them in cafeteria and snuck out to the lake with them every night. Then I met Juvy. I realized that I hadn't snuck out to the lake for quite a while. Jick hung upside down from the top bunk and Madeline tied her hair into braids. It made no sense to me why we all got along so well. I supposed it was because most of us weren't really criminals, just people who had messed up, made a bad decision, done a one-time-thing and gotten caught. And we were all paying the punishment.

© 2009

Juvy part 6

I sat down in the cafeteria after looking around for Juvy for a while. The girl next to me was humming an Avril Lavigne song. I held my breath and just listened to her quiet singing. I missed music. Her voice was sweet and similar to Avril Lavgine’s. Of course, if I was at home, the old song she was humming wouldn’t have been my first choice, but considering that there was absolutely no music at this place, I greatly appreciated the girl’s singing. I wished that she would just go on forever. Eventually she stopped singing, sighed, and pushed the food around her plate, obviously not appealed to the muck. I looked at her and wondered why she was here. She looked so innocent. Her hair was blonde and went just beneath her shoulders. It surrounded her delicately. Her eyes were brown and sad. She had long eyelashes and her arms were small. She looked weak, which was surprising since we had been laboring for over a month. She looked young, maybe thirteen. I could see her eyes filling with tears. I wondered what she had done to get here. “You have a really good voice,” I said to her. She looked up at me with her big, sad eyes and said quietly, “Thanks.” She sighed and said, “I miss music. Back home I was in the choir in my school. I performed solos in almost every concert.” She stared off into space with longing her eyes. “You don’t look like you belong here,” I said. She shook her head, “I don’t belong here. I belong with music. This place has no music. It makes me sick.” I could tell that she was very passionate about music. “You like Avril Lavigne a lot?” I asked. She shrugged, “I don’t know...that song just speaks to me here.” I tried to remember the lyrics to the song she had been humming but nothing came to me. “It says, ‘is it enough to love, is it enough to breath.’ Right now, I feel like its definitely not enough to live. I don’t know how I would have felt before I came here, but here its clear to me that there needs to be more to life than just living.” I nodded in agreement and then looked around again for Juvy. I didn’t really want to get into a conversation with this girl about her philosophies, though what she was saying did make sense to me. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a thump next to me and saw Juvy sitting down next to me. “Girl,” he addressed me. “Boy,” I replied. I smiled. I didn’t have to think about this life not being enough. I had Juvy.

The rest of the day the lack of music seemed to hang over me. I tried to find rhythm in the dishes clanking against each other but the girl next to me kept dropping them on the counter and it threw off the pattern. I tried to find rhythm in the plows scraping on the ground but they hardly made a sound. Juvy didn’t come out to the fields that day and I felt alone. The silence of the people around me was eating me alive. I was so glad to have Juvy. I didn’t understand how these people could go through this without going insane. At the end of the time we spent plowing, a handler announced to us that we were done plowing and we would start seeding the following day. I looked down at the ground and imagined pine trees springing up. I imagined them growing up out of the ground and scraping the sky within one minute. I imagined Juvy putting me on his back and climbing one of the trees. We would get to the top and stare out across the trees outside of the fence. We would jump from one tree to the next until we were outside of the fence and deep inside the forest. My daydreaming was interrupted when a handler yelled at me to get to my cabin and clean up before dinner. The lower floor of my cabin, cabin B, had four showers. It took forever for everyone to get showered. Once it was finally my turn, I stepped into the water and breathed deeply as the hot water surrounded me and took me away from this place. The floor was disgusting and I wore socks into the shower so I wouldn’t get athlete’s foot. I scrubbed my face well to keep away acne. Luckily for me, my skin didn’t seem to get acne easily for some reason. At home my skin had been completely clear and here my skin was almost clear. Much better than most of the rest of the girls. Juvy’s skin was pretty good too. He did have some acne, but not very much and nothing compared to a lot of the guys. I stepped out of the shower and Shelby handed me a rough towel. I walked over to my bunk and put my orange jumper back on. When I first came to Juvy, I felt totally disgusting changing back into my sweaty jumper after showering, but by now I was used to it. I looked at myself in the reflection of the window and my green eyes stared back mockingly at me. I stared at my reflection and imagined it walking away, leaving Juvy and walking back into the full body mirror in my house. I wanted to melt into the glass and join my reflection in that world of freedom. Then again, I thought, my reflection could only go where I went. I thought of my reflection in the lake water, in the dish water, on the windows of the buildings and in the eyes of the kids that ran by on the trails.I sighed and knew that I’d rather be anywhere than here.

© 2009

Juvy part 5

“Stay away from Juvy,” a voice behind me said. I turned and was surprised to find that the words had come from a handler. He looked sad as he said, “You don’t even know half of what you’re getting yourself into.” I straightened my back and said, “I can handle anything.” More sadly, the handler said, “I hope so. I hope you can handle what he’s hiding.” He turned and walked away from me. I watched him, my head spinning with thoughts. What did he mean? Was he talking about what Juvy had done? I didn’t care what Juvy had done. But as I thought about the handlers horribly sad expression, something in me told me that there was more to this story than I knew, and I needed to be careful. I needed to hole on to the only thing they couldn’t take from me: my heart.

Juvy walked up behind me and put his hands on my eyelids. “Guess who?” he said, not even trying to change his voice. “Why don’t the handlers yell at you ‘get back to work’?” I asked. “They always do it to me,” I muttered. He laughed, “Yea, there’s some advantages to being me. Much more disadvantages, but still.” He started playing with my hair again as I continued plowing. “A handler just told me I should stay away from you,” I told him casually. Juvy looked angry as he said, “He should mind his own business.”

“He looked really sad,” I added. Juvy sighed and said, “Yea, well, I would be pretty sad too if my job was to make sure teenagers didn’t escape from a camp.” I laughed lightly but I knew there was more to this than he would let show. I figured that when someday arrived, he would tell me. “So,” he continued, taking one of my hands off the plow and rubbing it against his cheek, “How are you liking this plowing job?” I took my hand back and continued plowing. “You shouldn’t do that,” I said, “my hands are dirty. You’ll give yourself acne.” He shrugged, “Yea, well, I’ll probably get acne anyway. Its not like they give us Proactiv every night and say ‘use it wisely.’” I smiled half heartedly. I heard laughing and looked up to see a big group of hiking kids laughing and pointing as they looked in from outside the fence. Juvy noticed me staring at the kids and said, “Whoever thought of putting a hiking trail there was way out of their mind.” He walked over to the fence and punched it in towards the kids. They kept laughing as they ran away down the trail. I sighed, wishing more than anything to switch places with them. “You’re a tough girl, aren’t you?” Juvy asked me. Surprised by the question, I turned to him, grinned, and said, “Very.” He gave me half smile and said, “I’ll see you at dinner, Girl.” I watched him walk away feeling very confused. The handler had been right. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

© 2009

Juvy part 4

I stood by the large sink and rhythmically moved the towel around the plates in circles. The water that splashed on me from the sink felt refreshing since I was standing in front of the window and the sun was shining in directly in my eyes. As I watched the water droplets disappear off the plate, I thought of nothing but the feeling of Juvy’s shoulder under my cheek. His hair was growing and his brown locks had brushed up on my face. His arm had held my shoulder like he was afraid I might disappear at any moment. As I thought about it, I supposed that out of his experience, it wasn’t unlikely that I would disappear. You can’t hold on to anything or anyone while you’re at Juvy. They stripped you of your identity and left you with loose fitting one piece outfits and tireless chores. It was hard to get close to people because they were all criminals and it is really harder than you may think to deal with not knowing what everyone around you did. For instance, Juvy. He had a life sentence, but he was at the Juvy camp for the kids who had committed the less serious crimes. So what could he have possibly done? As I imagined his soft sea foam green eyes and his easy speech that could make anyone laugh, I decided I didn’t need, didn’t want to know.

At home, I would never let someone in so easily. I was so boarded off, I kept to myself and never spoke to a male specimen unless it was to ask about homework and I had already called every girl in the grade. I remembered one time when a guy had tried to flirt with me and I had cowered away. “Did it hurt?” he had asked, one of the most cheesy pick-up-lines anyone could ever use. “What?” I asked. “When you fell from heaven?” he inquired with a cheesy smile, clearly knowing how old this line was. “Um...no.” I had replied, and then I quickly hurried around him and ran to my locker. It felt strange to let Juvy be so close to me and talk to me so much. He probably thought I was just as open as him. Something had changed in me when I stepped into the van that was to bring us to Juvy camp. I lost any lack of confidence. I figured, I’m here already, what worse thing could happen? I’ve got nothing to lose. Nothing at all.

“Hello beautiful Girl,” Juvy said as he walked up to the table I was sitting at, staring at the glob of mush on my plate that was considered food here. “Boy,” I addressed him. He sat down with no plate and started playing with my hair again. “Don’t you ever eat?” I asked. “On my own time,” he replied simply, not putting my hair down. “Are you guys together?” a girl next to Juvy asked. Juvy turned to face her and said, looking around, “Who wants to know?”

“Um...me,” she replied awkwardly. “Ok then, you. Are you addressing me and the girl next to me?”

“Um...yea,” she said, obviously not used to someone like Juvy. “Well then, to that I’d have to reply with a maybe. What do you think, Girl?” he asked, turning to face me. I didn’t think about it, I just said it. “Yes, we are,” I said simply. I couldn’t believe I had said it. My best friends Isabelle and Marta would have passed out if they heard me said that. They had tried so hard to find a guy for me, but even George, the one they called my ‘soul mate’, scared me out of my socks. I couldn’t handle guys. But now, here I was, assuring to a random stranger that the boy I met two days ago is my boyfriend. “Well there you have it,” Juvy said, smiling at me. I wanted to smile back but my face was in shock. My whole body was in shock. “Why do you ask?” Juvy said as he turned back to face the girl. “Um...I was just wondering,” she said. Juvy wrinkled his eyebrows and said to her, “You say um a lot.” The girl raised her eyebrows, clearly not expecting that statement, and Juvy turned to face me again and went back to playing with my hair. “So what did you mean by you eat on your own time?” I asked him, leaving the girl in shock. “Oh, you’ll find out someday,” he replied. I sighed and he wrinkled his eyebrows again as I said, “Well, I do have plenty of time.” He stopped playing with my hair and stared down at the table like I had just said something that deeply disturbed him. Was it because he had a life sentence? Did he want to get out of here that much? The image of him trying to get over the fence came to my head and I thought, yes, he does want to get out. “How much do you want to get out of here?” I asked him. He was totally not surprised by my question. He turned his head to look at me straight in the eye with the most serious expression I had ever seen on him, or anyone else for that matter. “I don’t want to die here,” he said. He looked down at his fists, clenched on the table top and said, “I won’t die here.”

© 2009

The Beautiful Motion of Life entry 6

I move the skateboard with my feet under my desk, wishing I was on the half-pipe. Mrs. Haags sends me a death glare and I take my feet off of the skateboard. The girl in front of me, Olive, brushes her hands through her hair and puts it into a ponytail. She half-glances back at me, like she's hoping that by putting her hair up while sitting in front of me she will cause me to fall madly in love with her. I look at the white board. Mrs. Haags is writing something about cells separating. I turn back to look at Olive. "Hey Olive," I start. She smiles, "Yes, Mason?"

"Do you have any gum?" She batts her eyes and says, "Yea. One sec." She glances up at the teacher as if she's being a rebel and then leans down and pulls a pack of gum out of her backpack. She smiles and hands me the pack. I take a piece, said thanks, and stare up at the board again, deciding I'd rather pay attention than deal with this girl.

"Put on a helmet!" a leader yells at me as I hurry over to half-pipe. I groan and run back, pulling a helmet out of the bucket and putting it on my head. "Buckle it," the leader says with narrowed eyes. I sigh and clip the buckles. I hurry to the half-pipe and finally start enjoying myself. Before long, there's a bunch of guys on the half-pipe and girls have crowded around it. There's about two on each side and about three lingering on the ramp or on the edge of the ramp. Gigi walks up to me and smiles. "You're really good," she says, standing in the middle of the ramp, totally careless about the boards speeding past her. I pull myself to a smooth stop and smile, "Thanks." Gigi is totally gorgeous. "Do you think you could teach me how to board? I've always wanted to do it, but I'm not very good," she says, looking up from her eyelashes in that way that made anyone give her what she wanted and using the word 'board' as if it is a regular in her vocabulary. I seriously doubt that. "Sure," I say, handing her my board and putting my helmet on my hair. I flip my black hair and push her slowly on the gravel. She tries to go a little faster and starts falling, so I put my hands on her waste and help her along. "Thanks," she says, batting her eyes. "What a flirt," someone behind me whispers to her friend in a hateful tone. I turn to see who it was and see Bella notice me looking and blush four shades of red. I smile slightly. Bella hates girls that flirt. She's the type of girl that you would expect would be very unattractive and hate girls because she's self-conscious. Subsequently, she's about as gorgeous as Gigi. In my eyes, she's better looking than Gigi, although in reality she probably isn't. I release Gigi and say, "I think you should be fine now." Gigi stares at me in disbelief as I walk up the ramp steps and say, "Hey, Bella."

"Um...hi," she says, still blushing. "Sorry about that...I didn't mean to...like...offend you or something. I was uh-"

"Its fine," I say with a chuckle. One of the best things about Bella is that she's usually confident. She doesn't get nervous around me, or other guys, like most girls do. She also doesn't approach me obviously and flirt even more obviously like Gigi. Not that I really hate it when Gigi does that. Bella looks up at me with her almost golden eyes and half-smiles. Her dark waste-length hair circles her face perfectly, and a gust of wind sends it out in front her perfectly for a moment before it gets all over her face. I chuckle lightly as she tries to face away from the wind as she desperately tries to keep her hair out of her face. "Ugh," she moans. "Let's go inside," she says to her friend Shayna. "My hair is everywhere." I wave lightly as she and Shayna walk down the half-pipe stairs and she complains, "I don't know what the heck people are thinking when they say that hair isn't alive. Dead things can't eat you alive." Shayna puts up a finger and says, "You're forgetting zombies."

"Aw, true. But they're kind of alive, too."

"True." I laugh as they walk inside. I like Bella. I like her a lot.

© 2009

The Beautiful Motion of Life entry 5

'Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,' the noise played out in my head and I slowly opened my eyes, thinking it was my alarm clock. The unfamiliar room spun for a minute beofre I was able to see clearly. I looked around and realized I was in a hospital. I looked down and saw an IV in my wrist. Ifelt something on my face and touched it, finding tubes leading to my nose. The beeping continued, a familiar noise but not one that I thought I would ever experience personally. The white-washed walls had pictures on them that I couldn' make out. "J-josh? Josh?" I whispered, filling with fear. There was no one in the room. Wow, who came up with the idea of leading the patient alone in the room not knowing what the heck happened to her? I found a button and pressed it, recognizing it as the button that is used to call the nurse. A woman in srubs walked in. She smiled sadly at me, "You're up, sweetheart. I'm sorry no one was here when you awoke." I shook my head, dismissing her comment. "Why am I here?" I asked. She shook her head, "You don't remember at all?" I shook my head slowly. "You were in a motorcycle crash, you hit your head. That's probably why you can't remember anything." I rose and eyebrow, "I don't ride a motorcycle. Too dangerous." She shrugged, "Apparently you were riding one this time." I furrowed my brow. "What did the motorcylce crash into?" I asked. "A small car, porsche I believe."

"Shame. Are you sure I wasn't in the car?" I inquired. She smiled sadly again. "No, honey, you weren't in the car. The motorcycle driver has been in here all day, he's just gone down to the cafeteria." I tried to rack my brain for the memory of riding a motorcycle with someone, but nothing came. "It was my bike," a warm, familiar voice said from behind the nurse. I heard the door click closed and exclaimed, "Josh!" He smiled sadly at me, much more sadly than the nurse, and said, "Hi baby. I'm so sorry about this." His eyes were welling up with tears, which is a rare and weird occasion for Josh. I waved it off like it was nothing, "Ah, no big deal." He laughed half-heartedly at me and said, "Actually, it is a big deal. You're on life support." My eyebrows raised. "Really? Wow. I don't feel a thing." The nurse hurriedly said, "Its just in case, I think you'll be fine. And its normal not to feel anything at first." I groaned quietly and said, "At first?" She smiled, (yes, sadly,) at me and said, "I'll be right back. You two can catch up."

He lost his smile and frowned deeply. "I'm so sorry, baby. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself." I waved him over and he kissed my lightly before sighing and dropping easily into the chair that had been placed, (most likely by him,) next to the hospital bed. "I love you," I said, "its fine." He groaned, "Its not fine, you're seriously injured Emma!"
"No I'm not, its just few scratches," I said. He looked up and down my body, noting the broken bones and purple-ish bruises. "and a few broken things. No big deal." He laughed lightly, "Always and optimist." I put my hand on my neck and felt the cold chain. I pulled the long necklace out from my hospital gown and held up the dog tag for Josh to read. It read 'optimism'. He laughed, "Like I said."
"I love you," I said with a big smile. He smiled back, "I love you too. Even if I did break your ribs." I laughed and felt myself drifting back to sleep.

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 32

My cell phone rang and I looked down at the caller ID, my eyebrows raising. "Hello?" I said quietly into the phone as I pulled my car over to the side of the road. "Hi honey!" my mom's voice said cheerfully, as if she hadn't not called me in over a year. I slammed my head on the steering wheel and whispered, "Mom." She sounded giddy as she said, "Hi honey! I'm sorry I haven't called in so long, I've just been so busy." I laughed. So long is two months. So long is NOT over a year. "Yea, I'm sure," I muttered. I opened my car door and slammed it closed. I leaned against the car and ran my hand through my hair, closing my eyes. "Listen, mom, what do you want?" My mom sounded totally not phased by my outright remark as she said, "Oh, honey, your voice is so strange! You must have matured! Or maybe its just the phone..." I sighed angrily and repeated, "What do you want mom?" She sighed, clearly she was faking the super-happy thing. "Listen, honey," she said sadly. I swear I could hear tears in her voice. "I want you back. I want you and Milly back before you're gone. Your father wants you back, too. We're willing to move onto the same street if we can get you back." My mouth dropped open. I did not just hear those words come from my mother's voice. I was silent, in shock. "Honey? Honey, are you still there? Hello?" my mom asked anxiously. I coughed, clearing the lump in my throat, and said, "Mom."

"Oh, good. I was afraid I lost you. Minutes cost so much nowadays," my mom said, sounding relieved. I would have rolled my eyes at that comment if I wasn't still in shock. "Mom. I can't...I can't just come back. The child care services..."

"Oh yes, that," my mother said, as if she had forgotten completely about the people who had ruined my life. "Your father and I took care of that. We eat much healthier now, and we're buying nice little houses on a small street about seven hours away from your grandmother's, so you can visit frequently if you like." Seven hours. Seven hours from Angela. "The child care services said that we've matured a lot and are now appropriate to be parents," she said proudly. I rolled my eyes. Child care services knew nothing. My parents were better parents before they split us up. Much better parents. "Mom, we can't just...leave. We have lives here now," I said. She sighed, "Your grandmother told me that you moved about a year ago, so moving again shouldn't be that bad. It takes more than a year to really get attached to a place." I pictured Angela in my mind and said, "I beg to differ." She sighed, "Listen honey, I'm your mother, and I am telling you that you're moving back in with me. And your father. So you should just get comfortable with the idea, because there's not much you can do about it." I was silent, once again in shock, as she paused and then sighed heavily and said, "I have to take this call, honey. Tell Milly about our move. Oh, and tell her I love her. Love you, bye!"

"Love you," I whispered, but at the moment, that was not exactly the perfect wording I would have used for how I was feeling about my mother.

© 2009

The Beautiful Motion of Life entry 4

I walk up the stairs and sigh heavily. Middle school. Again. Will it ever end? Luke bumps me hard and says, "Welcome back, loser. I would say we missed ya', but I'm not a liar." He laughs and walks away from me. Great. What a perfect way to start my first day back. I see Mindy across the lawn. She laughs and pushes her hair behind her her ear. I sigh. She's gorgeous. I sigh again, for a different reason. I really need to get over Mindy. I walk over to the main office and ask if anyone took my locker. "Last name, please?" a woman at a computer asks. "Joven."

"Grade?"

"Eighth," I say sadly. She nods, "Ok, Mr. Joven. Your locker is still yours. Same combination."

"Thanks," I mutter as I leave the office. Great. Well, there's goes my once chance at coming back to find some change after switching schools for half the school year. I walk over to my locker and turn the lock. I open it and hundreds of "Welcome back, freak!" cards fall on me. I sigh. Well, at least I'm remembered. "Like your welcome present?" Mindy asks me as she walks over with her little group of friends. I roll my eyes and say, "Real mature." Ugh. It really sucks to like the girl who tortures you. "Wasn't me," she says innocently, acting hurt for being accused. "Who was it?" She smiles cruelly, "My boyfriend." I roll my eyes. Of course it would be Luke. I should have known. "Well, its nice to know that he cares," I say, narrowing my eyes at her. She looks guilt-stricken. That's a first. "I'm really sorry Luke's always being a jerk to you," she says. I roll my eyes, "Yea, sure you are." I put my lunch in my locker and slam it closed. "Listen, Mindy, you and your boyfriend are really getting on my last nerve. What did I ever do to you?" I say. She opens her mouth to produce a comeback, but I put my hand up. "Just leave me alone." I turn and walk away. And my parents wonder why I hate school.

I walk into my History class and take a seat in the back of the room. A girl I haven't seen with very short bright purple hair walks into the classroom late and drops all her books and papers on the way to her desk. I jump out of my seat, helping her collect the papers, feeling incredible pity for her since I know what it feels like to be in her shoes. "Thank you," she says as I hand her a math book, a science book, and a pile of loose papers. She takes them from me, pushes her hair behind her ear with one hand, (her hair immediately slips out again,) and smiles weakly at me. She has big blue eyes which are widened as she stares at me for a second and then hurries to her seat. I slip back into my desk feeling shocked. Not only am I no longer the main attraction, but it just so happens that the new main attraction is very attractive!

I walk to my next class with a large frown and a furrowed brow. "Is she your girlfriend?"

"Its perfect! Its like the head cheerleader and the quarterback, except its the new to arrive freak and the old returning freak!"

"Were you guys gonna kiss right there in front of us?"

"That's disgusting!"

"How long have you guys been together?"

I take off running down the hallway and turn quickly into the art room. "Hi," I say to Mr. Jinks, "Can I eat in here?" he nods sympathetically and turns back to the painting he was working on. I notice the purple haired girl eating her lunch and staring intently at a blank canvas in front of her. "Hi," I say as I walk over to her. She doesn't respond and I notice that she has headphones in. I look at her iPod, sitting on the desk, and see that she's listening to Dear Vienna by Owl City. I look at her for a minute and then tap her shoulder. She pauses her song, looks up at me, and blushes four shades of red. "Um...hi," I say. She blushes a fifth shade. "Hi...I'm so sorry about, um, causing those rumors...!" she says nervously. I can't help but smile as she pushes her hair behind her ears five times, to no prevail, and stutters as she talks. I grab her hand, finally, as she reaches back to tuck her hair behind her ear a sixth time. This time its my turn to blush. Seven shades. She smiles. "I'm Tyler," I say nervously, sticking out my hand. She laughs shyly and shakes my hand, "Ellie. But you can call me Blue Jay." I wrinkle my nose a little bit and then ask, "Can I call you Ellie?" She laughs, "Yea. Go ahead." So far, this day is going better than I thought it would.

© 2009

The Beautiful Motion of Life entry 3

"I'm thinking red roses," Sarah says as she bites into a cookie. Holly look at her in shock. "What?" she asks. Sarah shrugs, "Well, they're really beautiful, and they represent true love, right?" Holly blinks, "Yea...but...roses? Down the aisle? Won't the thorns poke me?" Sarah shrugs again and says, "You could always cut them off."

"I was thinking more towards lilies or something," Holly's sister puts in. Holly wrinkles her nose, "No. Definitely not. No lilies."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?" I look at all the girls surrounding the kitchen table and say, "Do I really need to be here for this?" Sarah blinks at me and says, "You're the groom." Holly laughs at me and says, "Go. Go stare at cars or watch sports or something." I smile and say, "This is why I'm marrying her," to Sarah. Sarah rolls her eyes. I kiss Holly's head and walk out the door. Honestly, why did they invite me in the first place? Its not like its a requirement for the groom to be there for every aspect of the wedding planning. I'm not allowed at the dress choosing sessions. I get into my truck and drive down to Starbucks. "Hey, Sean," Tony says as I walk in. "Hey," I say. "I just escaped flower choosing." Tony laughs, "Congratulations. What can I get you?"

"Just black," I say. Tony nods and turns to face the coffee machines. I sit down at a small round table and sigh heavily. I can't believe I'm getting married. I can't believe wedding planning is so complicated. Honestly, why is it so hard to get a dress and a cake, walk down the aisle, and call it a done deal? "Coffee's ready, Sean," Tony calls out to me. I walk over to the counter, mumble thanks, and exit the coffee shop.

I walk into the furniture store with Holly and she widens her eyes. "I don't want to do this," she moans. I laugh and wrap my arm around her shoulders, "That makes two of us, dear." Holly's sister pushes us forward and says, "Come on you guys, you might as well get this over with quickly."

"Um...what is this?" I ask holding up a piece of plastic with a hole to hold it with. Holly's sister rolls her eyes. "Honestly, Sean," she sighs, "that's a cutting board." I raise an eyebrow and turn to Holly. "Do we need this?" I ask. She looks at it and turns to her sister. Her sister makes a loud huffing noise and says, "Yes, you need it." I turn around and continue looking through various kitchenware.

We finally exit the store and Holly breathes a sigh of relief. I smile at her and say, "Tired?" She yawns and nods. I kiss her head and say, "Get some sleep. See you tomorrow." She kisses me lightly, sending a chill through my body, and says, "See you tomorrow, good lookin'."

© 2009

The Beautiful Motion of Life entry 2

I rev the engine again and scream in irritation. "Stupid piece of junk! You sorry excuse for a truck..." I mutter as I get out of the pick up truck and slam the door closed. "Car troubles?" an attractive man about my age asks as he casually runs his hand through his hair. I smile fakely and say, "No, no troubles. I just yelled at my truck and decided to leave it on the side of the road for no reason." I smile sweetly. The man laughs and says, "Could I lend you a hand?" I feel like saying, "Yea, you could lend me your cell phone and let me call triple A so I don't have to wait an hour before you give up," but instead I say, "Sure. Thanks." He picks up the hood of my car and I roll my eyes as he looks around in my engine. I know for a fact that only a professional can handle my little crud-on-wheels. After about fifteen minutes he says, "Maybe you should call triple A." I smile sweetly again and say, "I don't have a phone on me. Could I use yours?" He frowns and says, "I think I left it at home."

Two hours later, I get back on the road. I pull into Joch's, the little coffee shop I work at, and kick my car for breaking down by the most inconvenient guy ever. "You're very late," Seth Joch points out as I step behind the counter and tie my apron on. I smile at him and say, "I realize that. Thanks for reminding me." He takes a sip of the coffee he's drinking in his huge 'Joch's' mug and murmurs, "Anytime."

After facing one teenage girl who doesn't understand the concept of Joch's not having Starbucks drinks, one seven year old who stood there for about ten minutes staring at the menu and then announced she couldn't read, and one group of locals that knew all the most complicated drinks and were familiar with that fact that they were the best, Jesse walks in the front door. Finally. "Hi, Jesse," I say with a big smile. Jesse also works at Joch's. He's my reliever. He smiles widely and says, "Hey, pretty girl." He's also my boyfriend. He kisses my forehead as I tell him I got to run and rush out the door to my truck. Aw, the joys of working at a Cafe.

"JA-ANE?" I call into the large empty house. My sister, Jane, recently moved into this monster of a house. She's decided to not use very much furniture so that it will seem more roomy. I told her that, for one thing, the house was already huge, and second, the roominess was really creepy. She decided my opinion didn't matter. "JANE!" I call again. "In here!" my sister's tired voice calls from the study. I walk down the long hallway into the study, a room that always smells like incense and is filled with book cases. I think she should change the name of this room to the library, but she said that people who have libraries in their house only call them libraries to show how rich they are. I think she's a weirdo. "What are you doing?" I ask as I see her leaning over the big mahogany table reading an old looking piece of paper. She looks up at me, smiles, and says, "I'm reading about the history of this house." I look down at the dully colored paper, back up at Jane, and then say, "I'm going to make coffee."

"Could you get me a cup, too?"

"Is that the reason you told me to hurry over?" I ask. She raises and eyebrow, "I told you to hurry over?" I nod and she says, "Oops. I meant to tell you to call Trace and tell him to hurry over." I groan, pick up the purse I dropped on the table, and say, "Goodbye, Jane."

"No coffee?"

"No coffee."

I walk into my small house and breath in the stench of fresh cookies. I smile widely and walk into the kitchen. There stands my best friend in the world, Tibby. I am not surprised that she is making cookies in my house when I'm not even home. "Ello!" she says happily. I smile widely as she hands me a cookie and a glass of milk. I sigh happily, sit down at the table, and say, gratefully, "Thanks." Sometimes a friend, a cookie, and a glass of milk can make everything better.

© 2009

The Beautiful Motion of Life entry 1

Its after hours. WAY after hours. And I am still at the office. I groan and and smack my head down on top of the huge stack of papers on my desk that have accidently been sent to me in Swahili. Honestly, how do you accidently translate a huge stack of papers into Swahili?! Why would you do that in the first place? I feel a kiss on my forehead as Gabe says, "Go home."

"But what am I supposed to do about this?" I ask, hopelessly motioning towards the papers. He sighs and says, "Cassandra can take care of them." I look up at him and say, "You know, letting me go home and forcing Cassandra to take care of this because of your affections for me isn't very fair." He smiles weakly and says, "Yes it is. Cassandra doesn't want to go home, she said her boyfriend's friends are camping out at her apartment and she'd rather scoop up elephant dung then go home."

"Ew!" I shriek. I immediately grab my backpack and stand up. Gabe pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear and kisses me lightly on the lips. "See you tomorrow, beautiful," he says. I blush, wave, and leave the office. It amazes me how the streets of this town are still covered with cars at 2:00 in the morning. Yes, I did say 2:00 in the morning. Cassandra's apartment must be REALLY bad.

I hale a taxi and step out in front of my apartment complex. I look up at the huge building and breath deeply. I hate home. I hate work. I even hate the cinema here. The only good thing in this town is Gabe. I push the big glass revolving door and walk up to the check in table. John yawns and says, "Evening, Lauren." I wrinkle an eyebrow and say, "My name's not Lauren." He nods. "It is now," he says, handing me my key and taking a big chug of black coffee. I watch him wince as the thick goop slides down his throat. "Honestly, John, I don't know why you don't just go to Starbucks. The coffee machine here is way past its golden age." He waves off my comment with his left hand and says, "Too expensive." I role my eyes and ask, "Why is my name Lauren now?" He widens his eyes and says, "What are you talking about?" I role my eyes again and say, "They should really take that 'open twenty four hours' sign down. You're worthless at night." John yawned, waved me off, and said, "Night, Lauren."

"Night, John. I'll go tell your fiance that you're leaving her for the Starbucks boy." I watch as John's eyes widen. "I'm engaged?" he asks. I laugh and step into the elevator right before the doors close.

I step onto my floor and pull my briefcase up above my head. I swing it against Peter's door and it makes a loud 'BAM!' "Go away SAM!" he yells. I laugh and unlock my apartment. I close the door behind me and throw my briefcase on the couch. Mocha looks up at me with one eye and goes back to sleep. "Nice to see you too, dog," I say as I walk over to my closet and change into the long sleeved long legged silk Victoria's Secret pajamas my sister gave me for my birthday. I sigh and walk into my bedroom. I turn on the light and find Genie lying on my pillow. I glance at my window and see that its open. I sigh and say, "Okay, Genie, you win. You can sleep here tonight. But that's my pillow." I pick up the orange and white polka dot cat and put her down on the big armchair that faces the window. I turn the lights off and climb into bed, but after fifteen minutes of listening to Peter's music next door, I know that I won't be able to fall asleep. I sigh, get out of bed, flip my bedroom light on, and stare at Genie, dead asleep. I envy her. I walk out of my apartment and walk right into Peter's, unlocked, as usual. "Your music sucks," I say as I walk over to his iPod speakers. He opens one eye, sees me, smiles, and says, "Hey beautiful." I search his iPod for a good album and finally find the latest Black Eyed Peas album. I look at him and say, "You're a loser. Your apartment is disgusting, your music is awful, and the only female in your life other than your mom is me, and I have a boyfriend." He smiles widely, "I love you too." I roll my eyes, throw a couch cushion at him, say, "Goodnight loser," and lock his door. I walk back to my apartment and finally get to sleep.

© 2009

Juvy part 3

That night, as I lay on my top bunk, (apparently the girls were actually fighting over bottom bunks,) I imagined Juvy laying in a bed above my head, his short brown hair brushing against his pillow and his sea foam green eyes hiding behind his eyelids. Six girls in my cabin got out of bed and, giggling quietly, hurried out of the cabin. One of the girls, Shelby, asked me if I wanted to come. I thought about it for a second and then nodded. We all ran down to the lake with our arms hooked and took our clothes off before slipping into the freezing water. It was strange how all of us got along so well. I came to Juvy expecting to beat up every night and to get mixed in with fight s with the guys. But, strangely enough, the guys hardly ever fought and the girls in my cabin hadn’t physically fought since the day we arrived. I pulled myself to the lake floor and scooped up some of the soft mud in my hands. I rubbed it on my stomach and my arms and dropped back down into the water to rinse off the muck. We heard a handler’s footsteps walking over to the lake and all fell silent. Luckily it was too dark for him to see us and the handlers didn’t carry flashlights because they only used solar electricity at this stupid place. We waited until he was a safe distance away and then we all hurriedly put our clothes on and started to run back to our cabin. Just as I was about to run into the cabin doorway, I noticed someone sitting behind the cabin with a book and a flashlight. I told the girls to go ahead without me and I headed behind the cabin. I found Juvy sitting on a bench holding a flashlight and A Tale of Two Cities. “Where’d you get that stuff?” I asked, not wondering what he was doing sitting on a bench outside at midnight. “Good evening to you too,” he said,putting his book down. I sat down next him and he put his arm up in the air with a question on his face. “Go ahead,” I said. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I put my head on his shoulder and we just sat there, two complete strangers sitting on a bench outside of a Juvy cabin at midnight.He tenderly played with my hair with his other hand and stared into my eyes. “You have pretty eyes,” he said. “So do you,” I replied. We stared into each other’s eyes for another minute before he said, “I take that back. You have beautiful eyes.” I smiled, “And vice versa.”

© 2009

Juvy part 2

I walked into the cafeteria the next day with a whole new mind set. I was not going to get through this day like all the rest. I searched the cafeteria for the boy I had seen yesterday. “Keep moving,” a handler said as he pushed me lightly into a seat. I plopped down on the bench and pulled my legs in so that they didn’t stick out in the aisle. I sighed, annoyed that I didn’t get to find the boy. “Hello,” a voice next to me said. Startled, I turned to see the boy sitting next to me on the bench. “Um...hi,” I said, feeling embarrassed though I knew he couldn’t know that I had been looking for him. “You have pretty hair,” he said, taking one of my brown messy curls and wrapping it around his finger. I blushed like a beet. He laughed and said, “You’ve never been to Juvy.”

“I’ve never been to camp,” I said. He nodded, “Yea. This place is so stupid. The center was better than this.” I raised one eyebrow, “You’ve been to the center?”

“You’ve been to the center?” he said, mimicking me. “No, I haven’t,” I replied, “Have you?”

“Yea,” he said sadly. “But you wanna know something?” he asked rhetorically. He leaned into my ear and whispered, “I didn’t do it.” I could feel his warm breath on my ear. “Didn’t do what?” I asked. “Anything,” he said simply. I fell silent and started eating my food. He continued playing with my hair and the other people at the bench watched us with fascination, obviously happy with any distraction from the boring day to day routines. Later that day as I was plowing the fields, I felt someone’s arm on my shoulder and turned to see the boy standing next to me, holding a plow but not using it. “Hello girl,” he said. “Hello boy who thinks he can put his arm on my shoulder without even knowing my name,” I retorted. I started to reach back to move his arm, but he had already taken it off and had started playing with my hair again.”Alright girl,” he said, “if you won’t permit me to wrap my arm around you without knowing your name, would you grant me the beautiful knowledge of what your name is?” I shook my head and he asked, startled, “Why not?”

“I have to know your name first,” I said as I pulled the heavy plow through the dirt. “Hm...my name. Well, you can call me Juvy. Thats what everyone else around here calls me,” he said. “What’s your real name?” I asked. “I’ve never told anyone here my real name,” he replied. “What’s your real name?” I asked again. He stared at me and said, “What makes you think you get special treatment?”

“What’s your real name?” I asked again, beginning to sound like a broken record. “You promise you won’t tell?” he asked with a grin. “What’s your real name?” I replied. He leaned into my ear again and whispered, “Jude.” I turned to face him before he could take his face away from my ear and startled him. “Well then, Juvy,” I whispered, “You still can’t put your arm around me.” He sucked in his breath and I smiled, satisfied that I had caught him off guard for once. “What be the maiden’s name?” he asked. “Lucy,” I said, “but don’t call me that. I hate that name.”

“Alright then, what would the maiden like me to call her?” Juvy asked. I thought about it a minute, “Gurl.”

“But that’s what I was calling you before,” he complained. “No. Now its spelled with a u instead of an i.”

“So humble.”

“But of course.”

“So, Girl,” he started, “Was that with an i or a u?” I asked. “An i.”

“I wanted you to use a u.”

“But I wanted to use an i.”

“Fine.”

“Alright then, back to work girl,” Juvy said with a sly grin. I slapped his shoulder and started plowing again, feeling much happier than I had felt before.

© 2009

Juvy part 1

The van pulled up to a stop in front of what looked like a children’s camp. I watched as everyone was escorted off board by handlers the size of my huge older brother times five. When the handler that was in charge of my group stood up, I slowly followed him off the bus and onto the camp grounds. I hurried ahead of the rest of the group so that I could stand next to the handler as he led us to a cabin. “Um...this doesn’t look like Juvy,” I said to him. He didn’t look down at me as he said, “Its not.” I was confused. It wasn’t a juvy camp? Then why the heck was I here? Before I could say anything, he went on to say, “We ran out of space at the Juvy center so we bought a camp to keep you kids in. The kids that did the more minor crimes come here, and the real trouble makers are back at the Juvy center.” I felt like laughing out loud. They ran out of room so they bought a CHILDREN’S CAMP to keep their little criminals in? “Well this should be interesting,” I muttered as I let myself fall back to end of the crowd again. We walked up to a large cabin and the handler informed us that the girls were going to sleep on the bottom half and the boys would take the upper half. Then he told us to go find a bunk and to be in the cafeteria in ten minutes. Was he serious? Were they honestly punishing us for our crimes by keeping us in a camp where kids go on VACATION? I watched as the rest of the kids ran into the rooms laughing at how stupid it was to keep Juvy kids in a CAMP. I stood outside and just stared at the cabin for a minute. I decided I didn’t want to be involved with the wrestlings that would come over fighting over top bunks, so I turned around to look at the camp. It was surrounded by a fence that had obviously been put up when the Juvy center decided to buy the place. There was a lake and a ropes course and a pool. As I looked around at my punishment, I decided I was definitely dreaming.

The next few days passed by slowly and boringly. Although they were keeping us in a camp, they didn’t allow us to use any of the camp facilities. I wasn’t surprised,it would be really weird if we were rewarded for breaking the law. Every night a group of girls would sneak out and go skinny-dipping in the lake. I joined them one night, and the water felt amazing. It was a relief to do something different than waking up, going to breakfast, washing the dishes, cleaning the cafeteria, and carrying on with the rest of the day’s chores. I joined the girls quite a few nights after that, shocked that no one caught us.But after a couple weeks, the night swims seemed just as scheduled and boring as the rest of the day. I was starting to think that I’d rather be at the real Juvy when I saw him. I was with twenty other kids plowing the ground behind A, B, and C cabins to plant a garden, (I know, a garden in Juvy? What is this?) when I saw a desperate boy about my age attempting to climb the fence. I stopped my work to watch him, glad to see something different than the blazing sun and the pattern the plow made when it scratched through the hard dirt. I expected a handler to yell at me to get back to work, but every handler near us had run over to the fence to stop the kid. I was just thinking how it was pointless to have eight handlers going after one kid when I realized that they were all necessary. As the first handler grabbed the kids feet, the kid swung over backwards and started punching his back. He gave the guard a head butt and the man dropped him to the ground. Another handler ran up and the kid socked him in the stomach. I watched as the handlers all grabbed a part of him to keep him from flailing at one of them. “You’re just making this harder on yourself. The more times you try to escape, the more time you spend here,” one of the handlers said to the boy. “I don’t care! I already have a life sentence!” the boy yelled back in anger. He had short brown hair that was a mess from not being brushed in three weeks. He eventually stopped trying to wriggle out of their grip and as they carried him closer to me I saw his beautiful sea foam green eyes. I had to catch my breath. A handler noticed me staring and yelled, “Get back to work.” Embarrassed, I started plowing again, but not before I saw the boy realize I was staring at him and smile at me. Who knew Juvy could be so...not a punishment?

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 31

While I was in the bathroom, my cell phone rang. I wiped the tears from my eyes, flipped my cell phone open, and said, “Hello?”

“Ang! Its Jake. I need your help with…girl problems,” Jake said from the other side of the phone. I smiled widely. “I’ll be right there!” I said with excitement, and just as I was about to hang up, Jake muttered, “Oh, don’t sound so excited.” I giggled and hurried out of the bathroom, looking like I had just had a random mood swing. I hurried to the table and said, “I’m sorry, I have to go, my brother’s having girl problems.” I winked at Lola and she laughed. “Maybe we can hang out some other time?” I asked. Lola nodded. I grabbed Tyler’s arm and said “Bye!”

“Thanks Tyler. I’ll see you later, ok?”

“Yea, no problem. See ya,” Tyler said before he pulled away from my driveway. I watched as his car disappeared down the road and then I turned to face my house with a sly smile. “Jake?” I called as I stepped inside. “I’m upstairs,” he called down. “Where?” I asked. “My room, DUH,” he said in an irritated tone. I smiled and hurried up the stairs. “Ello, Jakey boy. How can I be of service to you on this fine day?” I asked, holding the ‘i’ longer than was necessary. He rolled his eyes, “Ok: so here’s the thing. I really…really like Milly…” I smiled mischievously. He groaned, “Would you stop with the looks? I need help.” I cleared my face, trying desperately to keep away a smile. “Ok, so anyway, I really like Milly, but she’s like, you know, really emo, and she doesn’t date, I think.” I looked at him with an expression that said, ‘how many times did mom drop you when you were a baby?’ “Who said emo kids can’t date?” I asked. He groaned again, “No one SAID it, Ang! I just don’t think she’s the dating…type.”

“You mean you don’t think she’s the girlfriend type?”

“NOOO! I mean I don’t think she would date me if I asked.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling very confused. “So? What do I do?” he asked, seriously stressed. “Um…ask her out?”

“But what if she says no?”

“…deal.”

“ANGELA!”

“What?! Sorry! Did I say something wrong? Ugh. Dustin was so much better than me at this kind of stuff,” I said with a groan. Jake stared at me and I watched as his eyes filled gradually with water. “Sorry,” I said. I closed my eyes and knelt down next to him. “Jake, listen, I’m gonna try and do my best here.” I breathed in deeply and said, as quickly as possible to ensure that I didn’t mess up slowly and painfully, “If you want to ask Milly out, you should just ask. If she turns you down, its not that big of a deal. Anyway, she’s not going to turn you down, she really likes you. Its really obvious and you’re kind of dumb if you haven’t noticed it.” He smiled slightly at me and said, “You really think she likes me?” I smiled widely back at him, “I KNOW she likes you.”

“Thanks,” he said. I looked down at his brown eyes staring up at me. Milly was lucky to have him like her. I wrapped him in my arms in a big hug and groaned. I laughed as he complained and then I waved and left the room.

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 30

We made sure they weren’t looking before we got back onto the trampoline. I felt kind of weird laying on someone else’s trampoline in someone else’s backyard, but Tyler was laying next to me, so it didn’t matter. I stared up at the sky and watched as the clouds moved along slowly. I felt a slight tug on my head and watched Tyler from the corner of my eye as he played with my hair. I didn’t know if he saw that I was watching or not, but I didn’t tell him to stop. His blue eyes were sparkling as he wrapped my long hair around his finger and pulled strands out, staring at them as the sun hit them. I was once again filled with the urge to say, “I love you.” He noticed me watching and dropped my hair. I smiled at him and he smiled back. We got off the trampoline and drove back to my house. “See you later,” Tyler said as I closed the car door. I smiled at him and nodded, knowing that I couldn’t get words to come out of my throat because it was so full of the air that was supposed to be flowing through the rest of my body

As I pulled out of her driveway, I took one hand off the wheel and smelled it. I felt like a freak, but I could still smell Angela’s hair on my finger and a tingle went through my whole body.

I walked into the restaurant wearing a long light pink dress with lace at the bottom and no sleeves. I looked around and found Tyler sitting at a table for four looking through a menu. “Party of how many, ma’am?” a waiter asked me. “Oh, I’m with him,” I said, pointing to Tyler. The man nodded, “Of course. Enjoy your time here, miss.” I smiled at him and headed over to the table. “Hi,” I said breathily. He looked up at me and smiled, “Hi.” I sat down and asked what looked good on the menu. “Not much,” he said, “but you look beautiful.” I blushed. “You don’t look so bad yourself,” I said. “Thanks,” he said with a smile. Then, with excitement in his eyes, he said, “I’m really excited to eat with these people. Its like an episode of some show on ABC.” I laughed, “You can say that again. I don’t know what Amy was talking about, I think Trace is really cute. He doesn’t look like a dork.” Tyler blushed slightly when I called Trace ‘cute’. “They’re a nice couple,” he said. I nodded with a smile as I imagined them standing next to each other hand in hand. Trace and Lola walked up then, and we all greeted each other with hellos and smiles. We ordered our food, (Tyler was right, not much sounded good,) and then started talking normally. “So…you guys are dating, right?” Lola asked Tyler quietly. I blushed as Tyler said, “No,” with a sad expression. Everyone was silent. “What about you and Trace?” I asked, trying to break the awkwardness. “Um…yeah…we’re together,” Lola said. She didn’t sound convinced. “We are? Is that a yes?” Trace asked excitedly. I looked at them with a confused expression. “No…its not a yes. I just blurted it, its kinda’ a habit.” I looked over at Tyler, he looked at me, and we sent each other a message through our eyes saying, “Um…what’s going on?” Lola burst out into laughter. I smiled, “That laugh! It reminded me of…” I imagined Dustin laughing at me just before her death when I was whining that she cheated in the card game. My eyes filled with water and I stood up saying, “I’m going to use the restroom.” I started to rush over to bathroom and Tyler ran after me. “Hey! What’s wrong?” he asked, wrapping one arm around my shoulder. Should I tell him? I didn’t know why I was keeping it a secret from him. There was a part of me that desperately wanted to tell him, but my other half overpowered it and I said, “Nothing. I just got something in my eye. Excuse me.” I hurried off to the bathroom as Tyler said, “Oh,” obviously not believing me.

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 29

"Yeah...I'm Trace," he said, staring at us with a confused expression. Not every day does a complete stranger come to your back door and come in knowing who lives there. A red head girl with big glasses walked up behind him, and Angela laughed, "Oh my gosh. I can't believe we actually found them." I smiled mischievously at the girl, pointed at her and said, "I bet you're Lola." She peeked her head out from behind Trace. "Yeah...I'm Lola," she said with a confused expression. Angela laughed again and clapped her hands together. Trace and Lola looked at each other. "Are we missing something?” Trace asked as he ran his hand through his hair. I noticed Lola watching his hand move through his hair out of the corner of her eye with an expression that made her look hypnotized. I looked back at Trace and said, “I think we have something of yours.” I handed the envelope to Trace. He ripped the envelope open and read the card. Lola peeked over his shoulder and read it too. She looked up with wide eyes, “You’re Angela!” she threw her hands up in the air excitedly.

“Yes!” I said excitedly. “You didn’t have to come all the way out here just to return this!” she said, looking at me up and down. “Sorry, we kinda’ ate your cake…and threw away your card.” Trace said guiltily as he stared at us with slight fascination. Tyler smiled, “Oh, no worries!” There was a short awkward silence and then I said, “I think I met your friend…” I racked my brain for her name, “Amy.” Trace and Lola’s eyes suddenly snapped up at me like I had just turned on a switch inside of them. “Ex-friend,” they said in robotic unison. “Oh,” I said, feeling sorry that I brought it up. “So!” Trace said in a cheery way, “Do you guys want to hang out today?”

“Sure!” Tyler and I said, also in robotic unison. Lola pulled Trace to the side as Tyler and I entered the house and started looking around, feeling extremely awkward. (Well, I did at least.) I listened quietly as Lola whispered, “This is so weird!” with a laugh. “They seem nice though,” Trace said. “Yeah, they do.”

We talked with them for a little longer and then I suggested that we all go out to dinner at my favorite restaurant in town. (Also the only good restaurant I know in town, but still.) “That sounds great!” Trace said with a smile. We lingered for a minute and then waved and left.

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 28

I finished my homework and glanced half-heartedly at my clock. It was 4:03. I looked down at my math book and slammed it shut, glad to be done for the day. Just as the cover crashed down with a loud noise, a horn blared outside my house. I jumped. I walked over to the window, my heart still racing from the shock of the horn, and saw Tyler sitting outside in his beat up car. He waved enthusiastically and I started to make my way down the stairs. "Hiya!" he said as I closed the front door behind me and started walking down the stone path to the little front gate. I opened the gate and he said, "Sorry I'm so late, I had homework I had to finish." I rolled my eyes, "As if three minutes is so late." He raised one eyebrow, "Three?! I thought I was only two minutes late! Boy, I sure am sorry!" He smiled mischievously and I couldn't help but smile back.

We pulled in front of the back of Lola's house and I spotted a trampoline. "Hey, cool!" I said. "What's cool?" Angela asked, leaning over me to see out my window. I could smell her hair and I had to hold my breath so that my heart wouldn't play tricks on me. "We're not going on that," she said, as if reading my mind. I frowned babyishly. "Whyyyy?" I whined. "Because its not ours!" she said helplessly. She looked once again at my puppy dog expression and sighed, "Fine. But if they catch us, it was all your idea." I smiled, "Yay!” We got out of the car and I ran over to the trampoline. She watched me jumping for a minute, keeping her hands on her hips but not being able to keep the smile off her lips. "Come on!" I begged like a little child. She walked over to the trampoline and seemed to question how to get onto it. I grabbed her arms and pulled her up. I started jumping, forcing her to jump with me, and we broke into a fit of laughter. We heard noise coming from the house and immediately jumped off. I walked over to the back door and Angela followed slowly. I knocked and a boy about my age turned around, looking extremely surprised, and walked over to open the door. "Um..." he said. "Hi!" I replied cheerfully, "Is Lola here?"

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 27

Tyler turned my dad's huge armchair so that it faced the rest of the living room. He sat down in it and watched me as I rushed around, picking up plastic cups and paper plates, mopping up spills of punch and water, putting lamps back on tables and putting CDs back in their cases. "If it wasn't your birthday," I said as I wiped sweat from my forehead and continued mopping up a sticky, unknown substance, "I would be making you help me with this." He laughed, "Well then! Its a good thing it IS my birthday, 'cause I'm really enjoying this." I smacked him on the shoulder. "Jerk!" I half yelled-half laughed. He smiled.

She finished cleaning her house and ran upstairs. "What are you doing?" I called up to her. "Changing my clothes!" she yelled back down. "Why?" I asked. I heard her sigh and smiled as she said, "Well, one, because they're sticky and disgusting, and two because I want to do something with you for your birthday." I laughed, "You already threw me this mess of a party!" She ran down the stairs in a light blue sundress, although it was about 9:30 PM. Her hair was down and swiftly surrounded her face. She was so beautiful. I didn't even know someone could be that beautiful. She smiled at me and said, "I was thinking we could do something else, too, since this party failed so epically." I laughed and put my arm around her shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up," I said, "I had a good time." Then a brilliantly pointless idea came to me. "Hey!" I said with excitement. She narrowed her eyes at me, "Yea?"

"We should find these Lola and Trace people and give them back their cake!" I said with enthusiasm. She made a face at me and glanced into the kitchen. I did too and saw that the cake box was licked clean. I laughed, "Ok, then we'll just return the card." She made a face at me again, "How do you plan on finding them?" she asked. I smiled, "It shouldn't be that hard." She groaned, "I was thinking more towards we go out to dinner or go see a movie or something like that." I frowned, "But this will be so much more fun!" She looked at me for a moment, I gave her a puppy dog face, and groaned again and said, "Fine."

"Yes!" I yelled in triumph. She groaned yet again, "But you have to promise that if it gets too late, you'll bring me home." I nodded sincerely and put one hand on my heart, "I promise."

I pushed Angela into my car and we drove around town for the rest of the night asking random people on the street if they knew the location of Trace or Lola's house. Most people asked, "Trace who?" or "Lola who?" but obviously we didn't have that kind of information. By the time we found out Lola's address, it was about midnight and Angela told me, "Midnight is WAY too late to show up at the house of someone who has absolutely no idea who you are."

"Ok," I replied simply, "Then we'll come back tomorrow." She groaned as I laughed and said, "I'll pick you up tomorrow at four."

"I hate you."

"Oh, I know."