I Hate You. Really? I Love You. part 3

This story is dedicated to Chelsea Thompson, my amazing older sister! Happy eighteenth Chelsea! I love you!

I walked over to a table with Jonathon. I sat there staring into space and remembering my time with Kellan. Not the most enjoyable year of my life. Actually, the least enjoyable year of my life. Definitely.

"I love you Krisstin."

"I...I know."

"I will always love you."

"I don't think so."

"Well you're wrong."

"...umm...ok."

A typical conversation between Kellan and I while we were dating. Awkward. Unrealistic. Unenjoyable. Annoying. I could go on, but I won't. Kellan was always telling me that he loved me. The thing is, I never really believed him. He told me he loved me and he took me to nice restaurants and bought me expensive things, but there was always a part of me that knew that he didn't really love me. He liked me, but he didn't love me. He was always hurt when I said that I didn't believe that he loved me, so I eventually gave up and let him think what he wanted. Another thing I secretly always knew was that I didn't love him either. I liked him, but I didn't love him. But I told myself that I loved him. I told him that I loved him. But as you know, I have never really been in love. 

Kellan and I's relationship ended...harshly. It wasn't like I didn't see it coming, but it still hurt me. Now, looking back on it, I don't understand why I was hurt by it. I would think that I would have been relieved that it was over. But I wasn't. 

One night, Kellan took me to an especially nice restaurant. I thought he was going to be dumb and do something drastic and unrealistic, like proposing or inviting me to Paris with him. I embraced myself for the worst. But when he told me what he was planning, I was shocked. Utterly shocked, and crushed, and not ready. I was caught totally off guard. He said to me, "Krisstin...every time I tell you I love you, you refuse me. You don't believe me. You don't trust me. And...and I've met someone who does trust me. And who believes that I love her, which I do." Then out comes this totally gorgeous and snobby looking girl who obviously doesn't like Kellan for his heart, and he obviously doesn't like her for hers. He puts his arm around her and they share this disgusting kiss. I literally stood up and walked away before he could say anything else. I was devistated, and totally grossed out. That's when I started telling myself that I hated Kellan. But as you know, I've never really hated anyone.

© 2009