the difference between the way she talked to me now, and the way she used to talk to me. And really, it was also incredible the way I talked to her now. "When it happened, even, I didn't really break down, you know? I was just kind of in shock. I mean, I cried, I cried a lot, but I never really broke down. But then, at the funeral, they called me out and asked me to drop a flower... and I just couldn't take it anymore." She shook her head and looked up at the sky again. "I mean, I came into the world with her, you know? I came into the world with her... and I just couldn't... couldn't let her leave the Earth without me." She shook her head and I just watched her. "Selena," she said, "You know, I get why we connect. I mean, we were acquaintences before, and we get along well enough to be close friends anyway...but, I mean, I don't think I would have initially became friends with her if it wasn't for that... that one thing we have in common." I looked up at the sky, too, and then squinted, looking back at her face, "And what's that?" Angela just shook her head, "A sister," she said, "we both lost our sister." My eyes widened, "Selena...?"
"It's different for her, because her sister hadn't been born yet." I blinked, and Angela explained, "When Selena was thirteen, her mom got pregnant again. I just remember her being so excited, boasting to everyone about the new baby sister she was gonna have. She had pictures of the ultra sounds covering all of her binders. I mean, she was psyched. It was like the child was born already, the way she loved her." Angela took in a breath, and it was shaky. I wanted to reach out, stop her shaking, but sometimes I felt like she just needed to shake. "Her mom went through all nine months," she continued. She laughed, but not joyously, "All nine months. The mood swings, the cravings, the general hormone overdose. The pain, the morning sickness, everything." She looked at me, right in the eyes, for just a moment, and then looked away again. "And child birth. They're kind of low-key eco people, you know, vegatarians, Selena only wear faux leather, all that. So her mom wanted to do it totally natural. Organic." Her eyes started to water, and I looked down at the wood beneath me, afraid for what I knew came next. "And she did. Completely. The baby came out, the delivery went well. There was just one problem." Another shaky breath, "The baby was dead."
"Oh, geez," I said, almost involuntarily, shaking my head and pressing a hand to my face. "Yea." Angela said. She looked back over at me and smiled sadly, "Yea." She shook her head and looked away again, "So that's what we have in common. We both lost our sister. And you know, miscarriage is so underrated. I mean, can you imagine that? Some people can make it through it fine, some people don't get too attached or are able to move on fast or have another baby to make them forget. But not her family. No, she was too old to have any more kids. And they had been as attached to that baby as they were to Selena, she has been as attached to it as much as she was to them. She lost her sister." She smiled sadly at me again, "The main difference between us was that my grief went more acknowledged. Hers...people didn't give her the time she needed to grieve." She laughed sarcastically, "'Cause after all, it's just a baby, right? Just a fetus." She shook her head and looked up at the stars again.
© 2010
No comments:
Post a Comment