Friday, October 1, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 75

I spent the week bouncing off the walls, my mind flitting away from the present, looking forward to the weekend as if I was going to Italy or a Green Day concert. What would she say when I told her I was moving back? What would her face look like? That was all I could think about all the time- her face. Her striking green eyes and sculpted cheekbones, her full, smiling lips, and her hair which framed her face like an exquisite frame around an exquisite painting- just making it that much better. Sadie didn't really say that much to me. She still sat with me at lunch, but I felt like everything she said just small talk, she was making an effort to be funny or nice, it wasn't coming to her naturally. I felt kind of guilty. I knew she felt uncomfortable talking about Angela, and I knew I should probably at least pretend that I was going to be at all sad to leave this place, to leave her. And I was sad to leave her. I loved her, she had become, really, my best friend- because Angela was more than that, and Ed was great, but talking to him wasn't the same, I couldn't tell him everything. And then there was that guy Shane, who was really nice, and a pretty funny guy to hang out with, but whom I never really hit it off with, I guess. We talked at school, but that was pretty much the limit of it. Sadie was funny, and sweet, and I could talk to her like a girl might talk to a diary- minus anything about Angela. But the way she avoided the topic of Angela made me uncomfortable, because it reminded me of her bit of a crush on me- and Angela was really a huge part of my life. She saved me from myself. I found God, and he saved me from my depression- but I never really thought that my life could be beautiful again, even though I had God, until I met Angela. I feel like, though she hadn't known God herself, she showed me the beauty in the world that God had created. God made me feel so much less alone... and Angela was the person who was right there in front of me.

Saturday came, and I felt ADHD. I made cookies, and I prepared dinner early, and I mowed our lawn, and I walked my neighbor's dog, and I cleaned up Jake's room, and I did my laundry- and when all of this was done, and Tyler was still not there, I needed something else to do. I sat down on my couch and flipped through channels, but it wasn't working, so I got up and started doing sit-ups on the floor. Jake came downstairs, then, and stopped above my head. He crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his head at me. "May I ask what you're doing?" he inquired. I giggled, despite myself, "Sit-ups." He nodded, "Mhm. On the living room floor. At 3. When we're expecting guests any minute now." I sat up- I had done 15- "Fine. Do you have something better for me to do?" He looked at me, "Why do you need something to do?"
"Because I have so much energy!" Jake laughed, "Chill out. He'll be here any minute now." I blushed slightly, and he winked and went into the kitchen, where he exclaimed loudly. "Geez! Did an atom bomb go off in here?" Oh, right. I hadn't cleaned the kitchen after making all that food. I ran to the kitchen, "Something to do!" I exclaimed. Jake laughed and leaned against the counter, watching as I scrubbed the kitchen squeaky clean with a huge grin spread across my face.

© 2010

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