The Workings of A Certain Mind

There was a light, once

There was this break in the darkness that came out of the street pole

Of course I had to follow it

I couldn't ignore its crying

Wouldn't that be simply cruel?

I was wondering about those shoes

How in the world could one fit such large feet in such small shoes?

Did they chop off her toes?

Do you think they cut off her heel?

And what about those hands? Goodness!

There's stripes, you know, in fingernails

Millions and millions of them, I bet

I see, they're railroad tracks.

And there, at the end, there, that's the last stop.

Happy travels, sir!

It's hardly comprehendible, I do declare

There are so many fish in that tank!

How in the world do they not use up each other's air supplies?

I was a fish, once.

Yes, yes, I was.

I had a very nice, coat, too.

I wish you could have been there, ma'am,

You would have very much admired my coat.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts

For security reasons, the end of Broken Glass, Broken Hearts will not be posted on this blog, but if you know me personally, I can show it to you, and I'm hoping to get it published eventually, so if you don't know me, I'll let you know if it ever makes it! Thanks, guys :)

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 108

I had never in my life been so happy to hear the words 'I love you'. "You do?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up. She laughed and nodded. I slapped my knee. "Well!" I said, "Now doesn't that work out just so very nicely!" Angela cracked up and kissed me, and I felt her laugh on my lips. I wrapped my arms around her waste and lost myself in her lips, standing their with those two girls that I loved. "Very nicely indeed," Angela said, leaning away from my face and grinning up at me. I laughed and turned her into a headlock, and she laughed giddily as I scrunched up her hair with my fist.

I ate dinner with Tyler's family that night, and, though I could certainly feel the tension between his parents, and see the longing in both of their eyes (perhaps Charles's more), excepting this, everything felt as comfortable as it could possibly be. We ate on the living room couches while watching America's Funniest Home Videos on the small TV. Jake was there, too, and he and Milly sat on one couch with Linda, as Tyler and I sat on the opposite couch with Charles. He seemed very nice, if not fulfilled. Tyler looked extremely happy, and that made me happy, and so we all sat in the living room smiling and laughing and eating Chinese take-out. Still, despite the comfortableness of the house, I still felt like Tyler was still holding on to his grief, wasn't quite accepting that his life was going well. But, of course, I couldn't blame him. It wasn't as if I was giving up the grief I felt for Dustin, though I knew she would have wanted me to.

I felt like a kid going to Disneyland for the first time in years- I didn't quite believe that I wasn't dreaming, that I wouldn't wake up at any moment and find that all this joy was just a fantasy. My dad, though not exactly reuniting with my mother, had told me that he was moving back to the states, and that he would be visiting me much more. (By much more, I think he meant he would be visiting me, as he hadn't at all in the past.) My sister and I were living in a house, an actual house, with my mom. Jake had finally asked Milly out, officially, and she wore a smile everywhere she went- and had stopped painting her fingernails black. And Angela loved me. She leaned farther back into me on the couch, and played with my hands, which were intertwined with hers.

The whole situation was very absurd.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 107

I was sitting on my couch watching reruns of The Addams Family when Tyler came in. "Hello," I said, brightening visibly, I suspected. I had been thinking about Tyler nonstop since we had last separated- not that I didn't usually have him always somewhere in my mind. "Hola," he replied, "Bonjour, ciao, kon'nichiwa, privet, hallo." He motioned upwards with his hands, "Up, up, woman, time to go." I laughed and stood up, "Vere are ve going?"

"I vill show you, I vill show you, now we go, le's go, le's go. No time to vaste." I laughed and let him take my hand as he led me to the front door. "I'm going out!" I called up the stairs, to Jake. "Bye," he called back uninterestedly. I followed Tyler out the door and he opened his car door for me. "Thank you, sir."

"Ye, ye, le's go, le's go." He grinned at me and closed the passenger door, walking around to the other side of the car.

The nearest graveyard was almost an hour away. Angela questioned me persistently as we drove, looking out her window and trying to figure out where I was taking her, making incorrect hypotheses and begging me to end her suspense. When we got relatively close to the graveyard, I pulled over and made her tie a scarf, which I had borrowed from my mom, around her eyes. When we pulled up to the entrance, I got out and went to ask where Dustin's grave was. I was pointed in the right direction, and I got back in the car and drove as close as I could to the grave. When I parked, I got out and went around to Angela's side, opening her door and unbuckling her seatbelt for her. Her breath was warm on my head as I reached over her, but she didn't stiffen as my arm brushed her leg, and I released her belt. She let me take her hands and I led he rout of the car. She sniffed around, and I smiled at her curious face, though I couldn't see her eyes. "This place smells familiar," she said. I laughed and shook my head, "Of all the things I thought you might say when I took you here, that was not one of them." She grinned, "Where am I?" I shook my head, though she couldn't see me, "Nope," I said, grinning at my advantage over her, "Not yet, little missy." She pouted, but consented when I pulled her forward. I found Dustin's grave and stared at it for a moment before turning to Angela. "In loving memory" it said, "Loved sister, daughter, friend" it said. It was so bizarre to me, looking at that. It was the world's view on life, on what it meant. She was someone's sister, someone's daughter, someone's friend, and she had been loved. But I, who had never known her, not really, though I felt as if I had, I knew there was so much more to her than that. It made me think of faith, of life after death. Could anyone really believe that this was it, that this incredible girl, and so many others, were simply gone. Well, she had a good life, now it's over. The end. Could anyone really believe that? Even if I hadn't had my faith, I would have been able to say, in that moment, that it was impossible to believe that of this girl. Her spirit was too strong to be gone.

I took the scarf off of Angela's eyes, then, and watched her face. She blinked. Her mouth fell open a bit. "Oh," she said. Her eyes crinkled for a moment, tears springing up in them, but she quickly swiped them away, and took a confident step towards the gravestone. She smiled slightly, her eyes still wet, and touched the top of the stone, wiping off the dust that had gathered. "I haven't been here since the funeral," she said, still smiling slightly, tears running down her white cheeks. "When I saw this," she said, and her voice caught in her throat. She paused a moment, gathering herself, and then continued, "When I first saw this..." she trailed off, staring at the stone. She looked off, away from it, and then met my gaze. She smiled sadly, her lips pressed together firmly as the tears continued, "When I first saw this, it felt like... Wow. She's really gone, isn't she?" She nodded, looking back at the grave.

The first time I saw Dustin's grave stone, it was surrounded by people dressed in black, their heads tipped to the ground, their cheeks wet with tears. It smelled like ambrosia, and the sky was bright with sunlight in a way that felt disrespectful. I remember looking up at the sky, just as everyone whose heads weren't already ducked tipped their heads down, in prayer. I looked up at the sky, and I wanted it to rain more than I could possibly explain. I wanted the weather to do my sister justice, I wanted the Earth to tip its head in mourning, I wanted everyone to weep for the loss of my heart. Now, though, as I looked at the grave, I realized Dustin wouldn't have wanted it to rain. She loved rain, but she always said that though she loved rain, and the warm, comfortable feeling it gave her, she always found sunlight better for celebrating, because it was so uplifting, and rather than wanting to curl up in front of a fireplace, it made you want to dive into a lake, to take a chance, to celebrate. We hadn't been mourning Dustin's death that day, she wouldn't have wanted us to go. As the saying goes, we were "celebrating her life". "No," Tyler said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "No?" I asked, turning my head to look at him. "No," he said, smiling sadly at me. "No, she's really not gone." He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked up at the sky, where the sun was, as before, shining bright in the sky. "Dustin had faith," he said. "She had faith, and she'll never be gone." I bit my lip, unable to contain the emotion flooding through me. He looked over at me, smiling more joyfully now, "I didn't actually know Dustin... but every time I feel sun on my back, every time I see a ray of light reflect off a window, she comes to my mind." He squinted up at the sun and finished, "She's here in the sunlight. She's with the source of her faith, and she shows herself to us in the sunlight." I smiled widely as the emotion overtook me, and I realized just what emotion it was. I moved towards him and wrapped my arms around him. "I love you," I sighed, and it was genuine. Right there, right then, I was reminded that I loved him. And his shocked expression, when I pulled away from him, shocked me, also. Then I laughed out loud as I remembered how I had responded when he told me he loved me, and I realized that though this was really only a rather unnecessary reminder, to me, that I loved this person, to him, it was the first time the words had left my mouth.

Luckily, he seemed pleased.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 106

"Oh, Angela," I said, laughing, "I love you, you know that?" I kept laughing, but when she went silent, I glanced over at her. "Something ails you?" I asked casually, an eyebrow raised. She was staring up at the ceiling still, but now her eyes were wide. "Um," she said. She glanced at me. "You...um..." She blinked, her mouth open to continue, but she said nothing else. She looked away from me, back up at the tired little ceiling. She closed her mouth, and said nothing else. I waited a moment before inquiring, "I...?" She shook her head, but still didn't meet my eye. "Forget it," she said. She laughed slightly, nervously, "Never mind." I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head, "Indeed I shall mind," I contradicted, "What were you going to say?" Her face went blank for another moment, and then, right when I was going to open my mouth to insist she continue again, she blurted out, "You love me?" Now it my turn to blink. "Oh," I said. I laughed, sort of nervously, trying desperately not to look away from her face. "Um," I swallowed slightly, and then laughed at myself. I nodded, smiling nervously, "Um, yup. Sure do." She blinked at me, and then her eyes widened more. She looked back up at the ceiling.

"Oh," she said.

And that was all she said.

He had said he loved me, just like that, casually, as if it was given. If he had said it to me when we were kissing, if he sent it in a card, if he had whispered it to me over my shoulder as I emptied my books out of my locker, I might not have believed him. But he hadn't said it in any of those ways, he hadn't planned it, hadn't led up to it, hadn't even made a split-second decision to say it. He'd simply known it was true, and had said it casually, in the same manner you might say, "It's cloudy out today." It was a fact, and he stating it. He didn't need to embellish it or feel nervous about expressing it. It was just truth.

"Maybe she was just in shock. Girls always make a big deal out of the first 'I love you', or whatever. Maybe she was shocked speechless," my dad said, dipping another chip into the guacamole. I shook my head, "Maybe the words were new, but she knew that they were true before I said them. She might have been surprised to hear them vocalized, but not enough that she wouldn't respond."

"She did respond."

"Not exactly satisfactorily." My dad laughed slightly and shrugged, flipping a three over and sighing as he pulled back the cards, adding it to his steadily-growing pile. "You suck at this game," I stated, biting into a chip. "Gee, thanks for the memo," he replied. I laughed and flipped another card, and he sighed again and said, "When I first told your mom, do you know what she said?" I shook my head and glanced up at him, slightly nervous. He laughed, "She said, 'Well, duh, who doesn't?'" I laughed outright, "Oh, man. That must have sent your self-esteem sky-rocketing." He laughed and shook his head. He smiled at the cards as he continued, "She said that, but I saw, in those freakishly blue eyes you all have-" he stopped to grin, slightly bashfully, at me- "I saw that she was caught off-guard, just like your girl. I saw that she was nervous." Now his grin grew to one of confidence, and it was as if the scene was playing out right before me. "And you know what, son, you better remember that nervousness, with girls, is always a good sign. Remember that, because it's true for males, too, and the girls sure as sure remember it." I laughed, and he picked up again, "So I saw the nervousness, and I said to her, 'You love me too.'" He smiled at my raised eyebrow."Yes, I did," he assured me, "And you know what she said? 'Yea, guess I do.'" I laughed and flipped another card, forcing my dad to take the pile of cards again. He groaned, and I smiled at the floor. How did this happen, exactly? How did I come to asking my dad about girl advice?

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 105

"She used to put her hands in a fist under chin when she was thinking really hard, and then when she figured out whatever she was pondering, she would move her fist away quickly, and her chin would hit her desk." I laughed, remembering this, and replied, "And when she was driving, she would always vocalize all her motions."

"Reverse," Tammy replied, laughing. I smiled, "Accelerate."

"BRAKE!" we yelled together. We both broke into a fit of laughter, and Tammy sighed and said, wistfully, "I miss her." I looked at my feet, tucked in beneath me. "Me too." She sighed again. "You should call them now," she said. "Now or never." I smiled, "Dustin would've said that."

"She would have, yea." I sighed, closing my eyes, listening to Tammy's quiet breathing, Jake's music softly spilling up the stairs. "Ok," I said, "I'll talk to you later, Tammy."

"Talk to you later, Ang." And I hung up the phone and picked up the number I had meant to dial.

My dad was on the phone when I left house. I don't know why, but I just couldn't seem to be able to sit still. How could I sit there, and just act casual, when my whole family was there, in the room, as if we had been like that forever? And so I had left the house, gone for a walk. I hadn't really had any destination, and certainly hadn't been intending on going to the tree house, but I found myself on the path that headed toward it anyway. I walked slowly past the creek, watching the water as it rushed over the rocks, pushing twigs and leaves along with it. Why was it in such a hurry? Why was everyone in such a hurry? I thought about my family, now, and then. We had been in a hurry then, always desperate to move on to a new location, always looking forward to the next activity. Now, though, we all stood there, smelling the roses we had always driven past.

The tree house was really small, when I really looked at it, instead of Angela. It was a simple wooden structure, and not too far above the ground, probably only four feet- and nestled in branches and the trunk so that there really was no chance of it breaking under anyone's weight. I stared at the Orlando Bloom poster and laughed. I was laying their like that, laughing and staring at a poster of Orlando Bloom, when a voice said, "Pardon me."

He was laughing when I walked up- laying in my tree house, alone, laughing. "Pardon me," I said, smiling slightly. He shot up and turned to face me. Seeing my puzzled expression, he broke out into a fit of laughter, laying back down. I shook my head, climbing into the tree house. I lay down next to him and when he stopped laughing, we lay there in silence for a moment, both of our eyes watching Orlando Bloom's eternally unmoving face. "Gosh," I said, after the silence had stretched to half a minute, "He sure is a hunk, dontcha' think?" Tyler broke into a fit of laughing again, and I grinned, turning my head so I could watch his laughing face.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 104

Dad. I hadn't seen him in years, hadn't heard from him, and now, here he was. Walking around my mom's new house, commenting on the size of rooms or the furnishing my mother had done. Saying all these things, trying to be rude, failing miserably. It was really rather pathetic. I had been hated my parents, hated them with all my heart, but I had never really been mad at my dad. And I could see why, now, as he walked around our house. He was just so incredibly sad. He had a great job now, he lived in one of the most beautiful places on the planet, and people sucked up to him like octopus tentacles on a rock. But you could tell, you could see the moment he looked glanced at you, that he was miserable. He had loved my sister and I, he had adored us and cared about us, but there had always been one thing, one being in the world that was first in his mind, that trampled every other concern: my mom. It was obvious in the way he looked at her now: nothing had changed. He could make all the money in the world, he could live the American dream with a pretty young blonde for a wife and adorable kids that went to Ivy League schools and won separate Nobel peace prizes, and he would still be a miserable soul. He needed my mom, and without her, I couldn't really blame him for not calling, not visiting, seemingly not caring. How could I resent a fish out of water when it didn't swim?

Even as I watched my dad, almost in a shock, not quite accepting that he was really in front of me, I thought about Angela. She had seemed overwhelmed, and I knew she wouldn't be happy about the party, but when she burst into tears, upon opening my present, I could feel my heart break in half. But of course I should have known she would have cried, should have been expecting. I knew that windows were a hard thing for her to face.

It was the fact that it was shaped as a heart that had really gotten to me. What was I supposed interpret that to mean? Had Tyler been trying to tell me I should move on, had been God been trying to send me a message? I stared at it, leaning against the footboard of my bed, as I leaned against the headboard. It was beautiful, really. It was shaped simply, without a lavish curve at the bottom, and not a thin sort of heart. It was a simple plump little apple shape with a bottom tip that made it symbolize love. It was white, painted simply, not decorated with flourishes or elaborate patterns. The phone laid by my hand, the number of the man my brother knew who "installed windows", as he put it, written on a scrap of paper, sitting by my other hand. I bit my lip, and was about to get up and go downstairs, when Dustin's voice came into my memory. We had been sitting on that bed, staring at the number of my crush, in fourth grade, and when I had caved, getting up to go downstairs, she had said, "Scaredy-cat." At the time, I had rolled my eyes and descended the stairs. Now, I grabbed the phone and dialed.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 103

Ed lead us the day after we arrived in Portland to "Pittock Mansion". Selena and the siblings groaned, but Tyler and I consented, and the others eventually followed us. So Ed and Tylr split the price of admission for us, and we toured the gorgeous historical house. I felt like I was stepping right into Pride and Prejudice as we were led through the elegantly furnished rooms, up the spiraling staircase. "I love places like this," Tyler said, surprising me. He laughed at my shocked expression, "No, really. When I was a kid, my mom loved to take us to places like this." He smiled, "She always said she felt like she was walking in Elizabeth Bennett's footsteps." I smiled, "I was just thinking that." He laughed, "My mom, for all her typical rebellious teenage behavior, was always a huge Austen fan. She could tell you the story of her life from start to finish, and she could quote her letters, along with her books." I smiled, "I love Jane Austen." He nodded, smiling, and we walked into another room.

We stayed in Portland for a number of days parallel to the number of days it took us to get there. We would have stayed longer, but with costs of gas, hotel fee, food, and entertainment, we had enough money left to get us home, and scantily fed. As we all climbed back into the car for the drive back, Angela pulled a candy bar out of her pocket and offered it to me. Of course it was a Hershey's Cookies and Cream bar. I should have known she would buy me one. "Oh," I said, "Um, thanks." She smiled and buckled her seatbelt next to me. I stared at the bar as Angela's iPod was hooked up to the car speakers, and I put it into my pocket, assuring Angela I would eat it later, as Feist spilled out of the speakers, and Ed turned the key in the ignition.

The first thing I did after getting home, and sleeping for eleven hours, was drive to the mall with my mom and my sister. My mom had to do Christmas shopping, and she dragged us along with her. We walked past the store that sold strange house decor, and, seeing the heart-shaped window frame still leaning against the the store window, I got an idea.

At least they hadn't thrown a full-on surprise party. I came down from my room the day after coming home and found my parents, Linda, all my road trip members, and a man I'd never seen before in the living room, smiling around the coffee table with presents in front of them. I groaned loudly and covered my face. "Ambush!" I cried as Tyler and Jake came up to me, hugging from either side and laughing. "Not fair, not fair!" I cried, pushing them away, laughing despite myself as they pushed me into the living room. I might have lost my smile to despair if I had been given the opportunity to think about how Dustin would never even have this small seventeenth birthday party, but the stranger came forward and stuck out his hand to me. He had dark hair, and his eyes were almost as dark, but they were nestled in his skull in such a way that they looked sweeter and more enticing than any blue eyes, excepting Tyler's and his immediate family's, ever could. "I'm Tyler's father," he said, "Charles." My eyes widened. "Oh," I said, "Um, hi. Nice to meet you." His eyes were thick with a Heathcliff-like mist, a shadowing of a happiness that was lost, an innocence that was stolen. When he glanced over at Linda, the mist disappeared for a moment, and his eyes sparkled with anticipation, but when he looked back at me, away from the woman, they clouded over again with all that history of a lost love. Linda stared at her feet. Tyler stepped in and said, "My father lives in Rome. He flew in just for you." He smiled at me, and I watched his eyes, those beautiful eyes which imitated the ones that caused the pain in Charles's. As I had seen them before, they were full with many emotions. Happiness, anger, sadness. And hope. "Happy birthday," he said. I smiled at him, my eyes watering for more reasons than one. "Thank you," I said, and he smiled back at me, and kissed me, right in front of my parents, our siblings, Selena, Ed, Linda, and Charles.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 102

It took two days to reach Portland, not including the day we left. When we got there, we checked into a hotel and slept for about eight hours before going out. Selena had heard about a huge bookstore called Powell's that was somewhere in the city, and we all piled into the now-suitcase-less car to search for the place. We asked directions at every stop, and got closed and closer, until we finally pulled up in front of the five-story shop. We all gaped, shocked that such a place could exist. I'd never seen a bookstore larger than Barnes and Noble.

Tyler walked with me along the aisles of the third floor. I held his hand

as I skimmed the books with my other hand, occasionally pulling out

a title that caught my attention. "I sort of feel like a traitor, coming here,"

I said, smiling at him, "You know, to Stephen's, I mean. But I'm sure he would

understand. He'd probably come here, too, if he were in Portland." Tyler nodded,

smiling at me. I looked across the aisles, "Something about this whole place just

full of stories make me feel like my problems are small in comparison." Tyler

smiled and pulled me closed to him. "I always liked the smell of big book stores,"

he said, "Something about the combination of paper and ink. It's better than a

batch of cookies."

"I don't know if I'd go that far," I replied, grinning. He grinned back at me,

"You're cute."

"Thanks. You're cute, too."

"Hm. Thank you, I think." I laughed, and he pulled me up to him, placing his

lips on mine. And it was like we'd never kissed at all. That feeling of First Kiss

was still there. He knotted his hands in my hair I reached back behind my head

and interlaced my fingers with his. He tasted sweeter than books could ever

smell. His lips were softer than velvet, and he kissed me with the strength of a

last kiss, like this was the only moment we had left together. When we parted,

I smiled at him and said, "Here we are, kissing with the books."

"You're a story all in yourself," he replied, smiling as he smoothed my hair, his

eyes sparkling. "You'd be a New York Times bestseller." I laughed, and shook

my head."You're cute," I said again, and he laughed, "Oh, dear, you are wickedly

beautiful." And he leaned down and kissed me again.

Jake and Milly went to check out some music store a Powell's employee had

told them about, and Selena pulled the rest of us into a nearby coffee shop. Tyler

and I sat in a corner booth and watched people walk by on the street. "Wow," Tyler

said, grinning, "What they say about the out-there's living in Oregon is pretty on the

nose." I laughed and nodded in agreement, observing a woman as she walked by in

bright blue boots, a lime green beanie, and an almost-floor length yellow pea coat.

Selena called us up to the counter, ordering that we order something, for Portland

coffee was second, "Only to Seattle." I followed her bidding and ordered a cappuccino,

and as Tyler ordered, I looked at the candy racks near the counter. I saw a Hershey's

Cookies and Cream bar, and as Tyler turned to see the passerby Ed was commenting

on, I purchased the candy bar, slipping it into my jacket pocket before he could see it.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 101

After we'd driven enough to tire out even tireless Ed, we pulled up to a small motel off the freeway, by Tyler's command. Tyler knew just about every nice motel in the nation. "Years of learning," he reminded me with a small smile. Ed laughed and clapped him on the back before yawning and stepping up to the check-in counter. I saw the sadness in Tyler's smile, despite his trying to hide it, and I hitched my arm through his and smiled at him. He smiled back at me, and we rolled our bags down the hall, separating into our rooms with slight little nervous waves at each other, like two people with a spark just lit who part with hope in their hearts.

Ed walked up to the car with a fresh cup of coffee and climbed in just as Selena's buckle clicked in the front seat, and Angela reached into the far back seat to steal the only half-full bag of barbecue chips back from Jake. Selena controlled the stereo now, and she smiled sweetly at Ed as we pulled out of the motel parking lot, replacing his iPod with her own. "No, no, no.

Ed protested, grabbing her iPod from her hand. She started to protest, but he put a hand up at her and said, "If you're going to replace my music, you at least have to replace it with Angela's. I cannot possibly drive twelve hours with pop playing in my ears." Selena muttered something about having a great taste in music, but asked for Angela's iPod anyway. She handed it to her and Selena hooked it up to the speakers. Skinny Love by Bon Iver spilled out of the speakers, and Ed nodded slowly and said, "Ok, Ok, I can spin to this."

"You are so white," Selena replied, rolling her eyes with a small grin.

"I'm not sure what to say to that," Ed laughed, grinning widely at her.

"Snickers! Definitely Snickers."

"We don't need Snickers, Ed."

"We don't need Sunflower Seeds, either, ma'am." Selena scoffed, "Please. Road trips require sunflower seeds. No road trip is a real man's road trip without sunflower seeds."

"Yes, indeed, because real men love to chow down on sunflower seeds." Selena rose her eyebrow at him, "Um, yea," she said, laughing, "they do." Jake cut in between them and said, "You know what we do need." He grabbed something off the rack and showed it off to all of us with a wide grin, "Beef jerky. Now there's a real man's road trip snack."

"You said it, man," Ed agreed with a laugh, giving Jake a high-five and adding the beef jerky to the basket Milly was carrying on her arm. Ed put up his hands in mock surrender towards Selena, "Hey, man, you know it's truth when my man Jake says it." Jake grinned and Selena rolled her eyes. Angela stayed by the candy as the other walked over to the counter, and I walked up behind her, wrapping my hands carefully around her waste, and said quietly, "Got a sweet tooth?" She smiled at me and pointed to a certain candy bar, "I haven't had one of these in forever." She was pointing to a Hershey's Cookies and Cream bar. "I'm pondering whether I should change that now." She grinned at me, but my eyebrows were furrowed.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, concerned. He sighed and shook his head, "Nah," he said. He bit his lip. "I...uh..." he ran a hand through his hair and sort of nervously chuckled, "I haven't had one of those in five years." My eyebrows shot up. "Geez!" I exclaimed, "And I thought I hadn't had one in forever!" He smiled sort of sadly and stared at the candy bar with tired eyes. My eyebrows lowered a bit as I asked, softly, "Why haven't you had one of these in five years?" He shook his head, looking away from the candy, at my face, "It's stupid, really," he started, "You know my old life on the road. I'd always buy that bar, every time we stopped somewhere where they were sold, and if I was asleep when we stopped, my mom or dad would buy one for me." He shrugged, blushing slightly, "I don't know, I guess I always just kind of felt like it was their way of saying 'I love you'." He blushed brighter, looking at the ground, "And then...I mean, they weren't there to buy them for me anymore." He shrugged, looking back at the candy bar, "And I didn't really have a taste for them any longer."

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 100

Ok, so, first of all, I'd just like to say,

Part 100!!!!!!!!!!

And from here, we may proceed as per usual.

"Tyler?"

"Check."

"Barbecue chips?"

"Check."

"Mini candy bars?"

"Check."

"Jake?"

"Check."

"Map?"

"Check."

"Moo law?"

"Check."

"Selena?"

"Check."

"Milly?"

"Check."

"Keys?"

"Check, check, double check." Ed nodded, "Alrighty then. I think we're ready to mumba." He looked back at everyone in the back seat, "Ready to mumba, buckos?"

"Check," they all said in unison. He turned to me and grinned, "Looney Tunes, please, milady." I laughed and hooked up Ed's iPod to the car speakers, turning the radio dial to a silent station. "Good. Let's hit the road." And with that he turned, putting his hand on my seat as he backed out of Tyler's driveway. Linda waved goodbye to us with a wide smile, and I waved back, also smiling widely. "Finally," Selena moaned. Ed scoffed, "'Scuse me, ma'am, but when we've been driving for eight hours, you're starving, and we're on a deserted road with not a gas station in sight, you will appreciate my double checking on the barbecue chips." Selena snorted, "I doubt it," she replied, "I hate barbecue chips." Everyone groaned, except Tyler, who laughed, and said, in a very realistic impersonation of Fred Jones, "Ready to solve a mystery, gang?" I smiled and replied, "And what mystery is that, Freddie?" He grinned, "How much time will pass before Selena throws herself out of this car and onto the freeway."

"Now, none of that, Selena," Ed said, also grinning. Selena grunted and leaned against her seat, crossing her arms across her chest. "Shut up." Ed looked down at his iPod for a moment and quickly selected a song. He turned up the speakers and belted out, "Scooby dooby doo, where are you? We got some work to do now!" And with that, and a loud groan in response from Selena, we turned off onto the freeway, starting our road trip.

We left at about six, and after a few hours of singing along to Ed's "Looney Tunes", playing mad libs and hangman, and asking for directions to the nearest Build-A-Bear at every stoplight just to see people's reactions, Selena got bored and pulled out her iPod, Milly and Jake folded into each other around Selena's suitcase in the backseat, talking quietly and staring at the sky through the windshield, and Angela fell asleep next to Ed in the front, her head leaning against the window and her hands nestled under her ear. Ed hummed quietly along to the music and I reached into the barbecue chip bag and pulled out a handful of chips, staring out the window as the cars sped past us.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 99

"Isn't that kind of far?"

"Yup."

"Hm."

"Can we not afford it in gas?"

"No, no, we have enough money. But are you sure we'll be able to survive that long in a cramped car with Ed, Selena, and our little siblings?" Angela laughed and shook her head, "It'll be fine. Besides, it won't be cramped, we have two extra seats, remember?"

"Ha!" I shook my head, "Take into consideration the suitcases that will be brought along. Especially by Selena." Angela laughed, "Oh. Right."

"Portland?"

"Yea." My mom bit her lip, snapping her fingers nervously. I felt my heartbeat quicken. Was she thinking about saying no? ...Would I be happy if she did? "Ok," she said, "I'll think about it. Butyou have to ask your father, and I want to know that there will be a responsible driver." I nodded, "Ed Drawe is gonna be driving. He's pretty much the most cautious person in the universe behind the wheel. And he has enough natural energy to supply a factory's worth of Red Bull. No falling asleep behind the wheel for that one." I felt a bizarre surge of happiness when she bit her lip again. Before, I would have just wanted to get this over with. I would have rejoiced in how little fight she put into stopping me. Now, I treasured her every hesitation. Then she sighed, as if in defeat, "Alright," she said, "You can ask your father."

My dad was, surprisingly, harder to convince than my mom. He shook his head, saying he never would have trusted himself behind the wheel at my age, let alone some boy he didn't even know. But, after a bit of coaxing and reassuring, I was able to convince him, and the plan was set in stone. I was so excited...I almost forgot about my birthday.

But not quite.

"So, um," Angela said as I took her hand and helped her into the tree house, "My parents Ok'ed the trip, after a bit of coaxing." I grinned. I was glad it had taken coaxing. Maybe her parents would, gradually, learn to be parents again. "I was just wondering," she continued, looking away from my face as she sat down next to me, at her shoes, as if checking to see if they were still tied. "Yea?" I asked, narrowing my eyes a bit. She looked at me and widened her eyes a tiny bit, in the most suspicious way possible, "What brought on this idea?" I rose my eyebrows, "You mean the road trip idea?" She nodded, her eyes still widened a little bit in that innocent-Tweety-Bird kind of way. I pursed my lips a bit, "Well, I was sort of over Selena's ideas of excursions, but there was no way out of them, so I figured we might as well make a big excursion, occupy ourselves for a while. Put off a few mall visits." Angela pursed her lips right back at me, "Why now, though?" I tipped my head slightly and then leaned it back, "Because Selena's schemes were getting on my nerves?"

"You phrased that as a question."

"Very good observation." I tipped my head and grinned at her, and she smiled slightly and shook her head. "You know what," she said, sighing and looking up at the clouds, "I'm going to leave it alone." I rose my eyebrows, "Really." She nodded, laughing, "Yea. Really." I smiled and leaned towards her, kissing her cheek. She closed her eyes and smiled, and I smiled back. I lay down on the wood and pulled her onto my chest. "So," I said, "What's in Portland?"

© 2010

Always Makes Me Cry

Down Once More lyrics (Phantom of the Opera)

PHANTOM

Down once more to the dungeon of my black despair

Down we plunge to the prison of my mind

Down that path into darkness deep as hell!

Why, you ask,

Was I bound and chained

In this cold and dismal place?

Not for any mortal sin

But the wickedness of my abhorrent face!

MOB

Track down this murderer

He must be found

Hunt down this murderer

He must be found

PHANTOM

Hounded out by everyone

Met with hatred everywhere

No kind words from anyone

No compassion anywhere

Christine, Christine,

Why, why...

MME GIRY

Your hand at the level of your eyes

RAOUL

At the level of your eyes

MOB

Your hand at the level of your eyes

Track down this murderer

He must be found

Track down this murderer

He must be found

Hound out this animal

Who runs to ground

Too long he's preyed on us

But now we know

The Phantom of the Opera is here

Deep down below

He's here, the Phantom of the Opera!

He's here, the Phantom of the Opera!

CHRISTINE

Have you gorged yourself at last

In your lust for blood?

Am I now to be prey

to your lust for flesh?

PHANTOM

That fate which condemns me

To wallow in blood

Has also denied me

The joys of the flesh

This face the infection

Which poisons our love

This face which earned

A mother's fear and loathing

A mask, my first

Unfeeling scrap of clothing

Pity comes too late

Turn around and face your fate

An eternity of this

Before your eyes

CHRISTINE

This haunted face

Holds no horror for me now

It's in your soul

That the true distortion lies

PHANTOM

Wait!

I think, my dear

We have a guest

Sir, this is indeed

An unparalleled delight

I

Had rather hoped

That you would come

And now my wish comes true

You have truly made my night!

RAOUL

Free her

Do what you like, only free her

Have you no pity?

PHANTOM

Your lover makes a passionate plea

CHRISTINE

Please, Raoul

It's useless

RAOUL

I love her!

Does that mean nothing?

I love her!

Show some compassion

PHANTOM

The world showed no compassion to me!

RAOUL

Christine . . .

Christine . . .

Let me see her

PHANTOM

Be my guest, sir...

Monsieur, I bid you welcome

Did you think that I would harm her?

Why should I make her pay

For the sins which are yours?

Order your fine horses now!

Raise up your hand to the level of your eyes!

Nothing can save you now,

Except perhaps Christine

Start a new life with me

Buy his freedom with your love!

Refuse me, and you send your lover to his death!

This is the choice,

This is the point of no return!

CHRISTINE

The tears I might have shed

For your dark fate,

Grow cold and turn to tears of hate!

RAOUL

Christine, forgive me, please forgive me

I did it all for you,

And all for nothing . . .

CHRISTINE

Farewell, my fallen idol and false friend

One by one

All my dellusions shattered

PHANTOM

Too late for turning back

Too late for useless pity

RAOUL

Say you love him

And my life is over

PHANTOM

Past all hope of cries for help

No point in fighting

PHANTOM (RAOUL)

For either way you choose you cannot win

(Either way you choose he has to win)

PHANTOM

So do you end your days with me

Or do you send him to his grave?

RAOUL

Why make her lie to you to save me?

PHANTOM

Past the point of no return

CHRISTINE

Angel of Music . . .

RAOUL

For pity's sake, Christine, say no!

CHRISTINE

Why this torment?

PHANTOM

The final threshold . . .

RAOUL

Don't throw your life away for my sake!

PHANTOM

His life is now the prize

Which you must earn!

CHRISTINE

Why do you curse mercy?

RAOUL

I fought so hard to free you . . .

CHRISTINE

Angel of Music . . .

PHANTOM

You've passed the point of no return!

CHRISTINE

You deceived me

I gave my mind blindly

PHANTOM

You try my patience,

Make your choice!

CHRISTINE

Pitiful creature of darkness,

What kind of life have you known?

God give me courage to show you,

You are not alone...

MOB

Track down this

murderer, he must be found!

Hunt out this animal, who runs to ground!

PHANTOM

Take her, Forget me,

Forget all of this.

Leave me alone,

Forget all you've seen.

Go now don't let them find you,

Take the boat.

Swear to me, Never to tell.

The secret you know of the angel in Hell.

Go now! Go now! And leave me!

Masquerade

Paper faces on parade . . .

Masquerade

Hide your face so the world will never find you . . .

Christine, I love you....

CHRISTINE

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime

Say the word and I will follow you

RAOUL

Share each day with me

CHRISTINE

Each night, each morning

PHANTOM

You alone, can make my song take flight

It's over now, the music of the night!