Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 38

And so I became known as the sensitive new kid. Girls fawned over this quality. Guys laughed at my face. So far, everything is going just great.(Sarcasm there.)

Going to school with my mom again felt weird. "Well, it was nice knowing that Tyler boy, I guess," my mom said as I closed the car door and put my backpack on the car floor. I closed my eyes. "Please don't talk about him," I pleaded. She shrugged, "I'm just saying-"

"Well don't." She rolled her eyes and the rest of the drive to school was spent in silence.

"Hey Ang! Where's your boyfriend?"

"Yea, Angela! Did he get sick of you?" I gritted my teeth, slammed my locker closed and turned to face whoever was making remarks at me. Two laughing kids saw my angry expression and turned to face their lockers. I headed up the stairs to Yarber. I felt nothing as I sat in the classroom. I swear. I felt nothing at all. None of the usual sadness, no more sadness from Tyler moving, no anger at my mom or Tyler's parents, no frustration with Jake for breaking my bedpost lamp, (which he had broken that morning.) No exhaustion from staying up until three am the night before staring at the ceiling. I wasn't annoyed that it was a Monday. I wasn't worried about the massive amount of homework Mr. Yarber had written on the white board. I didn't care that Selena was watching me from the the side of her eyes like I had recently tried to kill myself or something. I felt absolutely nothing. It was so strange. I saw people moving around me and felt myself breathing, but faces faded and my breathing grew quiet and unnoticeable. Everything was as it was. Nothing was good, nothing was bad, nothing was in between. Everything simply was. It was an indescribable moment. Then it ended. Anger at my mom, my brother, Tyler's parents, the kids in the hallway, and Mr. Yarber flooded into me like a hurricane that came out of nowhere. Sadness poured in, too, as all the seats were taken except Tyler's and the one that used to be Dustin's. It was as if I had only dreamed that either of them had ever even existed. They were just pleasant characters of my dreams and ceased to exist in the real world. Have you ever felt that perhaps you are in someone else's dream? That maybe, the person will wake up at any moment and you will just disappear?At that moment, I really hoped that the person of which I was in the dream of would get water poured on their head.

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 37

The following week passed by quickly. I went to school, did my work, hurried home, packed, went to bed. Next day, woke up, went to school, hurried home, packed, went to bed. And do it went for the entire week. Then on Saturday everything was finally packed. A single small U-haul truck was loaded with Milly and my beds, my couch, Milly's bean bags, and the boxes of crud we wouldn't give up. Angela and Jake stood on the driveway and waved goodbye sadly. It seemed unreal. I honestly believed that at any moment, I would wake up and find that the moon was still in the sky and my tired mind was playing tricks on me, giving me realistic dreams. It wouldn't be the first time I had a dream that was felt that real. But this time, deep down, I knew it was really happening. I was going to be the new kid all over again. Except this time I wouldn't have an angel as my escort.

I walked into the small, cold, white walled house and looked around. My mother had already moved in her furniture and hung up a few of her paintings. "Milly, yours and Tyler's rooms are past the kitchen-" Milly and I immediately hurried over to the kitchen and identified which room would belong to whom. My room had a door leading outside and Milly's room had a bathroom. I dropped my bag in the room and looked out at the small, square nicely kept grass backyard. No forest anymore. So far, the first of the new houses was just absolutely fabulous. (I'm being sarcastic.)

My mom dropped Milly and I off in front of this high school that was three times the size of our last one. There were no hallways. You had to walk across grass fields to get anywhere. As I walked across the main lawn I felt like my every movement was being measured. I caught my hair brushing against my neck as I looked around for the main office. I felt all my weight fall on my feet as I stepped quickly onto the cement. Water from a murky puddle leaked into my shoes and I quickly stepped into the main office, noticing the cold metal handle of the door. "Hi-" I started. A thin woman with obviously died blonde hair and lipstick the color of fire turned around to face me. She smiled widely, "You must be Tyler." I nodded, taking in the pink shirt and jeans the woman tried to pull off. "That's me," I said, my expression unchanging. "Welcome to our school, Tyler!" I looked up at the strange woman and said nothing. I knew thank you was the polite response, but at that moment all I wanted was to not be there. She seemed slightly thrown off by my failure to respond. "Well-uh- let me...um...get you your...schedule," she said in a worried tone as she searched her crowded desk for my schedule. "Here it is," she said breathily, handing me the paper. She pointed out the office window, "You first class is the one with the purple door." As I opened the office door, I felt the responsibility of saying thank you again. But I said nothing. I just left.

I opened the door, discovering, much to my dismay, that I was a couple minutes late. A cheery-eyed man in jeans and a loose brown and grey striped shirt smiled at me. His eyes lit up under his small, intelligent looking glasses. "You're Tyler," he said, sounding even happier than his eyes looked. I felt in shock. "Yea," I said bluntly. "Welcome!" he said oh-so-cheerily. "We're so happy to have you here!" Clearly. "Where should I sit?" I asked, once again ignoring my duty to say thank you. All the kids stared at me. Quite a few girls smiled flirtatiously at me, but I just leaned back into my seat, crossed my arms in front of my chest, and stared at the happy man in the front of the classroom. "Perhaps a former clown," I pondered in my head as the man introduced me to the class, telling them where I was from. "We have a bit of a tradition around here," he said in his scary-happy tone. I blinked blankly. "We have a bit of an introduction ceremony," he said, almost laughing in glee. I blinked again. Blank. White walls. Staring eyes. Brand name clothes. Strong perfume. I took in everything around me, feeling anger pool in my veins for no apparent reason. "Would you come to the front of the classroom?" The fatal last words. I stood up and made my way to the front of the room. I felt like everyone in the room had caught there breath, thinking perhaps that I may breath fire and burn down the whole school in anger at any given moment. I would have, too, if that was even possible. "Would you like to tell us a little about yourself?" the clown asked. "No," I wanted to say, "I would like to go back to where I came from and walk with Angela to English. I would like to write down the homework while Mr. Yarber lectures us on being on time." I said nothing. "Tell us your relationship status," he began, "WHAT?!" I hollered in my head. "tell us a little bit about any siblings of family members you have, and perhaps a little bit about what you like to do." I rolled my eyes. "I'm single. I have one sister named Milly. I like to..." I stopped. What did I like to do? "I like to walk with Angela. I like to hear her voice and see her smile and feel her hands. I like to see a rare glimpse of nothing but happiness in her eyes." CRUD. I just said that aloud. Why couldn't I have said that part about wanting to be at my old school out loud?

© 2009

Me and Julian part 3

"You're late, Laura."

"Yea, sorry. Julian's car wouldn't start again. I swear, he tried everything! Finally I volunteered to give it a try, and it finally turned on. It was so funny, he was like, 'I swear this car hates me.' So I drove, but then I got pulled over because for some reason a police officer thought I was on the phone and said I wasn't allowed to use my cell phone while I was driving. It was so strange, it was as if he couldn't even see Julian sitting there. I told him that I hadn't been on the phone and in fact had only been talking to the person sitting next to me. I apologized for driving with another teenager in the car, which I knew was illegal. He just gave me a weird look and offered to give me a ride to school. I told him I was fine, but he insisted on driving me. I think he even wrote down my license plate number when I was leaving. But he wrote me a note...here." Mrs. Johnson sighed and took the note from my hands, not even bothering to read it. "Sit," she said impatiently. I sat in my seat and Julian sat in his seat behind me. He stuck his pencil in my hair and started playing with it. "Stop, Jules. I'm trying to take notes," I whispered to him. Jeff glanced over at me and looked back at the white board.

Laura walked past me in the lunchroom, smiling. She laughed at something Julian 'said' and sat down at an empty table with him. All alone, she sat there, laughing her head off and trying to stuff food into the mouth of a person who wasn't there. I wondered if she realized what a show she was to some of the guys in the cafeteria. Especially new kids. Laura is a very attractive girl. Her hair is dark blonde, short, and curls around her face just so. She has beautiful eyes the color of the ocean during a storm. If you look closely, I swear you can even see the whitecaps. Its a shame that she's crazy.

© 2009

Songwriting: Remembering You and Me lyrics

When you walk past the place where we had our first date,

and the song your iPod changes to ours, are you filled with pain,

does your sadness gain a point, baby,

'Cause frankly...

Chorus

When you think of me, does it make you feel sad?

'Cause frankly, it makes me feel glad

That there was ever you and me, the perfect combination,

(Temporarily, at least)

Remembering you and me

When I walk past you in the hallway, does something

change in a small way, inside you, under you skin?

Does your heartbeat quicken, does your head start to ache?

Does it bring back your stomachache?

Does it make the pain come around once again,

Yea baby...

Chorus

So wipe up your tears, take the frown off your face,

remember the good times, recall the place, where I tripped

on my shoelace and fell in your arms, laughing, and comforted by your warmth...

When you think of me, does it make you feel sad?

'Cause frankly, it makes me feel glad

That there was ever you and me, the perfect combination,

(Temporarily, at least)

Remembering you and me...baby...remembering you...and...me.

© 2009

p.s. This song is not based off of past experience...it just came to me and I liked it.

Me and Julian part 2

"Morning Jamie," Laura said with a smile as she walked in. "Morning Laura," I said, smiling at her and continuing to pour cereal into two bowls. Laura sat down and cleared her throat quietly. I closed my eyes. "Morning Julian," I said as I smiled at the empty chair next to Laura. "She does too like you, Julian. She's probably just tired," Laura whispered to the air. I handed a bowl of cereal to Laura and was about to sit next to her when she screamed. "Sorry!" I shrieked, quickly stepping away from the chair. "Could you pour a bowl for Julian, too?" she asked. "Can't he pour his own?" I groaned. She glared at me. "Fine," I mumbled, wasting yet another bowl of cereal as I pushed the bowl towards the empty chair. "Julian, eat it. You are so NOT allergic to nuts," Laura said as she rolled her eyes and took a few bites of her cereal. I didn't want to know what was going to happen to that cereal, so I left the room. Justin and Jackson were sitting on the couch playing a video game. Annoyed, I went up to my room to watch TV on my tiny screen. There was a knock on my door. I paused the show and sat up. "Come in," I hollered unnecessarily. Laura walked in. "Hey. Julian's still downstairs. He thinks you really don't like him. I tried to tell him you do, but he just said whatever. Could you go downstairs and apologize to him?"

"For what?" I asked in an irritated tone as I stared at Sophie's face paused mid-sentence on the tiny screen. "Jamie. Please." I groaned, pulled myself off the bed, and walked down the stairs with Laura. I walked up to the empty kitchen and said, "I'm sorry for whatever I did. I do like you. Are we good?" I didn't wait for a response, (obviously,) before I said "Good. See ya later," and headed back up to my room. Of course I love and pity Laura, but Julian really gets on my nerves.

© 2009

Me and Julian part 1

Introduction

Julian took my hand firmly and we ran through the trees. I laughed as he took my hands and we spun around in circles. We came to a clearing and dropped down onto the wet grass, soaking from the rain pounding on us. Julian turned his head toward me, "This isn't very healthy, you know," he said with a grin. I shrugged as I attempted to look up. Water filled my eyes. "Who cares!" I said with a laugh as I turned to face him again. He smiled softly and said, "I love you." I smiled widely back, "I love you too."

"LAURA! LAURA?! LAURA WHERE ARE YOU?!" we screamed as we ran through the forest, trying desperately to find her. Finally, I stepped into a clearing and spotted Laura laying there, letting the rain hit her. "I love you too," she said with a bright smile. She was alone. But she didn't know that.

Chapter 1: At First

At first he was only there because I wanted him to be there. He kept me company when everyone else left the room. He kept my mind from wandering to the past. But then as they left me alone more and more, he became more important to me. He had to be there. They smiled at me when I told them Julian was moving in with us. Some of them laughed lightly. But their smiles grew sad when Julian actually moved in. I don't think they like him.

At first it was just her imaginary friend. Sure it was weird that she had one at seventeen, but we figured it was just a joke and she only talked to him in front of us to make us laugh. Then it started getting old. She told us that he was moving in with us. I rolled my eyes but the rest of the family smiled or laughed lightly, trying to hint that it wasn't really funny anymore. But she wasn't trying to be funny. And as I walked past her bedroom, I heard her talking to him. It was like she thought he was really there. Turns out she did.

© 2009

No Sense (anything can happen) part 2

The lights turned off and the House went silent. No rebels whispering. No one hurrying back to their room from the bathroom. No one in the kitchen grabbing a midnight snack. No one spending the night in someone else's room. Just silence and darkness. For most, this was a good environment for sleeping.

For most, a world with no crime, sickness, or arguing sounds fabulous.

Not for me.

I laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling, but the room got no darker when I closed my eyes. I wanted to get up and walk down to the kitchen, ring the bell and wait for a server to get out of bed to get me a snack. Talk to the server for a while. But there were many reasons I couldn't do that. First of all, I couldn't get up. Literally. To keep rebels from being rebels, the Inventors had created jings, which are basically just soft handcuffs that connect to your bed. They keep you there until the morning, and then they release you. Second, the servers did not sleep in the same building as the upper-class men. Everyone in the lower class slept in the working quarters, which is basically the same as the House except less nice. Third of all, talking to servers is not permitted. When I said "Thank you," to a cossy driver earlier, I had been totally breaking the rules. He could have reported me, but of course, who would report someone for being nice to them? Being kind to the lower class was the only rule you could break without getting caught or hurt. But most didn't try. Most people didn't want to be polite to the lower class. They didn't realize that they could have been in the lower class just as easily if they had been born with a slightly less strong immune system.

"Where to, miss?" I closed my eyes and blocked the sound of the alarm system from my brain. "The working quarters," I said before I realized what I had said. The man driving the cossy sounded surprised as he said, "Only lower-class men can go there, miss." I nodded my head and briskly lied. "I was sent by a Watcher. Its inside business that I'm afraid I can not share with you," I said in an official tone. He sounded in shock as he said, "We will arrive at the working quarters in fifteen minutes, at most." My eyebrows raised. I didn't know the working quarters were so far from the House. "Good," I said as I pressed the button to send a message to the front. I almost pressed it again to say thank you, but then I remembered that representatives of Watchers would absolutely NEVER break a rule, even a simple rule like this one. I looked out the window in the contept and watched as we drove through the town. A few people were walking along the roads. Cossies drove up and down the roads, stopping to pick up and drop off people. People walked out of the bank with their daily payment, walked out of grocery stores with extra food they wanted to keep in their rooms for the day, and people walked into and out of entertainment complexes. The hospital was quiet. Not one cossy stopped by it as we drove past. Eventually, we took a turn down a long street with nothing on it. Nothing at all. At the end of the street there was a large black gate that said "Lower Class Only". The cossy driver stuck his hand out of the car and pressed his thumb on the scanner. He pulled up so that I too, could scan my thumb, but I reminded him that I was a representative and not an actual lower class man. He reminded ME that there was a thumb scanner for representatives, too. I closed my eyes. I determined whether to get out and run or just tell the cossy driver the truth. Cossy drivers rarely ever turned anyone in for anything. It didn't matter to them. Instead I just put my thumb to the scanner. To my surprise, the screen did not flash red and scream "Access Denied". Instead it faded to green and the large black gates opened. My eyes widened. But wait a minute. I wasn't a representative. Was I?

© 2009

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 36

I looked out the window and saw the trees being thrust about by the wind. I smiled and hurried out of the hallway, locking the chest and closing the doors behind me. "I'm going outside!" I called to Jake. "Yea, whatever," he responded. I threw open the front door and realized I didn't have a sweater. I hurried over to the coat closet and got out a warm but light sweater. I walked outside and closed the front door. I felt the wind on my face and breathed in the scent of the forest of fir and pine trees across the street and the few smaller trees on the residential side. The wind bit at my skin but it felt good. I listened fondly to the whistling and the sounds of leaves rushing by and gusts of air sending messages from desperate people far away. I walked quickly across the barren street and stepped into the forest. I avoided the obviously marked trail that led to the part of the creek with a bench and simply made my way through the deep brush to the more thrilling parts of the stream. Finally, I crossed the stream and walked deeper and deeper into the thick darkness of the trees that beckoned me with such force that I had no choice to go on. The wind had changed its direction and was now teaming up with the trees to push me father and farther into the beautiful darkness. I remembered being young and so scared of going anywhere off the trail at all in this forest. Dustin had run away from me, deep into the woods for a child, laughing and forcing me to follow her since I was the responsible one. The memory made my eyes water but also forced a smile onto my face. Eventually, I found a meadow with soft grass and, exhausted from the walk, dropped into the weeds, breathing heavily and laughing. Nature is the best medicine.

© 2009