Only He Knows (Overpowered By Hope)

They all call out

They scream and they shout

Their voices can be heard

Though their words seem absurd

They all come now

Overpowered by hope

And I wonder, What shall we do with our lives? But when I ask them, they simply say, "I don't know, I don't know, no one knows 'til it comes and it goes"

Is there a way that we can avoid- all that makes the wars start- I wish I could wrap my arms around these people- like shaking children- and tighten my grip, for they are weaker than the newborns

And we fall- we trip on the most obvious of obstacles- but mostly- it's the strings that hold us together- it's the little things that destroy- the little ones who make us better

And who believes- there are lies, impossible to count- but still, as the night falls- all the people will call-

someday, when their hearts are broken- their bleeding tongues will scream and when they have spoken- all will know that they believe

And I wonder, What shall we do with our lives? But when I ask them, they simply say, "I don't know, I don't know, no one knows 'til it comes and it goes"

But He knows- there's only One who knows- and it's Him- only He knows

They all call out

They scream and they shout

Their voices can be heard

Though their words seem absurd

They all come now

Overpowered by hope

© 2010

Nibble part 24

Nick walked me to the end of the alley and then we turned to face each other. Usually, at this point, we would simply go our separate ways- sometimes not even saying goodbye. I bit my lip and he grinned at me, "Have fun?"

"Certainly." He chuckled and saluted me. He started to turn away from me, to walk away, and I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. He rose an eyebrow at me, and I went on tiptoe, pushing my lips against his. I had almost half-expected them to be hard and chapped, but they weren't. They were soft, and they melted under my lips, molding to fit into me. We stayed still like that for a moment- our lips pressed against each other, not moving. I started to pull away, worried I'd made wrong assumptions, but just as my lips disconnected from his, he grabbed my waist and pulled me back against him. He buried his hands in my hair as his lips met mine again and I reached up and twisted my fingers through his own hair. He kissed me desperately, as if this was the only thing he could do to keep someone alive- me, him, us. When we parted, I immediately buried my face into his chest, and he put his hand on my head for a moment before bringing my face up to his again. When we parted, he said, "So long." I kept my face buried in his shirt, but murmured, "What?" He laughed, "So long," he said, "I've wanted to do that for so long."

The house was dark as usual when I walked up to it. I went to the front door, wanting to stop in the kitchen before I went back to my room. I stepped into the house and closed the door behind me with a soft click. As I turned, I noticed a light on in the living room. My eyes widened as my mom looked up from a book she was reading on the couch. "Oh," she said, blinking at me, "I hadn't known you were out." I was speechless, so I simply nodded. "Hm," she said, "Where were you?" I swallowed, and then figured, why lie? "With a boy from school." She nodded and looked back at her book, "And how was that?" I narrowed my eyes, "Good, I suppose."

"Do you suppose, or do you know?"

"...I know."

"Well. That's nice." I paused, wondering when she would say something else, when she would start screaming at me like she screamed at dad. But she didn't, she simply stared at her book, flipping a page. I watched her eyes scan the words for a moment before I responded, "Yea." She didn't look up at me again, and I had forgotten that I was hungry, so I turned to walk to my room and said, "Good night."

She said nothing in response.

© 2010

Little

Little things

Little words

Little smiles

Huge marks

Little comforts

Little tears

Little smiles

Huge fears

Little worries

Little frights

Little scares

In the endless night

© 2010

Used Houses

The wood creaks

The paint peels

The faucets leak

This whole place feels

Occupied

Still

The window open

The door closed

The wind comes in

The lights go out

Someone here before me

The ghost of their presence

Creaks in the wood

Peels paint off the walls

Flows out the faucets

For Sale sign

Come, buy this place

This used house

I think I'll build my own.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 89

It seemed sort of ironic to me that, despite the fact that I had been living in a different area for months, Angela's house still felt for more like home than my own. Of course, this most likely had to be partially contributed to the fact that my house was new- but still, I did feel extremely comfortable in her home. It was, however, slightly less comfortable for me now that her parents were (finally) home. Her mom was all too welcoming, enough so that I almost felt like telling her that I would keep returning to her house because her daughter lived there, and there was no need to show me so much hospitality or issue so many invitations. And her father was uncomfortably not protective, which was surprising. You'd think his being cool with his daughter's boyfriend practically living at his house would be amazing for the said boyfriend, but it just made me feel like I should show up less often, if only to spite his lack of parental responsibility. I wanted to just grab both of their shoulders and be like, "I know you lost a daughter, guys, but you do realize you still have to two kids left, right? You do realize that they too are mourning, and that now, more than ever, would be an awesome time for you guys to act like parents?" But of course it was not my place to say anything of the sort, and even if I did, and they didn't kick me out for offending them, (after pointedly not kicking me out, no matter how much time I spent there,) I had a feeling they wouldn't listen to my advice. They seemed completely oblivious to their children's pain, but, at the same time, it seemed that, if their eyes were opened to it, they might feel guilty for a moment, but then they would only go on with their distraction-making. They had lost a child. And in the wake of it, they were losing two more.

I could see how Tyler watched my father as he moved through the living room when my head was resting on his lap, or when my face was tucked into his chest. I could see how he bit his lip when my mom offered him an endless amount of refreshments and invited him to stay for dinner, even as I sat on his lap. He didn't seem relieved when my father didn't tell him to get his hands off his daughter. He didn't seem happy when he was invited to stay longer with his girlfriend. And I knew that neither of these things were because of me, I knew he wasn't secretly longing to be kicked out of the house. He just wanted them to say something, to lecture him, to give some sign of irritation at his constant presence. He wanted them to act like parents.

I couldn't honestly say that I didn't want the same thing. Probably more than he did.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 88

"I remember I used to lay on our van and stare up at the sky...I used

to pretend that I was where ever we had been last. The stars were always

the same, no matter where we were. Maybe there were more or less in

one spot than another, but the ones that were there were always in

the same spots. The stableness of them calmed me. I liked to lay on the

roof, for hours on end." Angela and I were laying in her treehouse, staring

up at the stars that peaked through the branches to shine at us. She smiled

and kept staring up at them. Eventually, she turned over onto her belly and

looked down at the forest floor beneath us. "I like to think about the fact

that chances are, no person's been in this area for years...but animals, on the

other hand, pass through here every day. If a person walked through here,

they would see this treehouse, probably wonder about it. But the animals

just see it, and if they do acknowledge it as different from the rest of their

surroundings, it doesn't effect them. They just keep on walking." I grinned

and stared down at the little footprints her eyes were set on. "Just keep on

walking," I agreed, nodding. She smiled at me and turned back onto her back,

staring at the stars again. But I just kept looking at those footprints, thinking

about moving forward. Something that my family and I had done for years,

just kept moving... when really we were getting nowhere at all. But now, here,

with Angela... staying in this one spot, I was finally getting somewhere.

Tyler came with me to work the day after Sadie called him. His spirits

were down a bit, but whenever I smiled at him, he smiled back. I though maybe

I was just being overly confident, but Kelly leaned over and whispered to me,

"I swear, you walk out of the room, and that boy's shoulders slump. You come

back in, and his posture's good as that of a chair." I laughed and shook my head

at her, and she winked at me. "I swear, some of these titles miff me. I mean, 'Be

Bold With Bananas'? What is that about?" Tyler asked in disbelief as he stared

at a book in his hands. I laughed and replied, "Well, you seem to have a talent for

finding the bizarre within the ordinary." Tyler chuckled and nodded in agreement.

The bell over the door rang and a guy in a Northface jacket, dark jeans, and an

ironic-looking pair of Ray Benz sunglasses walked in. He was losing his grip

on a huge, heavy-looking box as he pushed the door open with his back and flicked

his dirty blond hair, which looked exceedingly oily, out of his face. He stumbled

over to the front desk and slammed the box down onto the uneven surface. A pile

of books on one side of the desk made the box sit lopsidedly. "The extra delivery

you ordered," he informed me, flicking his hair out of his face again. "Of course,"

I nodded, "Let me get Stephen." I smiled and turned, pulling open the door to the

back room. Stephen was typing relentlessly on his ancient computer. I informed

him of the package, and he stepped around his desk and me, walking into the store.

Curious, I stepped around his desk and looked at his computer screen. A Microsoft

Word document was open. Stephen had been writing. I leaned closer and read the

most recent sentence he had written. "And so the destroyed couple both had made

it to the places in the world which they had always dreamed of reaching- she on

Broadway, he on Wall Street. The physical location which they had achieved,

however, was exactly parallel to what they had dreamed." I smiled and stepped

back around the desk, into the little store.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 87

I had known that she would call some time. She couldn't put it off forever, though I didn't really know why she was putting it off. I was still shocked, though, when my phone rang and the caller id read, "Hawk Calling". I pressed talk quickly and said, "Sadie!"

"Hey, Tyler."

"Hey! Um...so, I haven't heard from you for a while...?"

"Yea." I paused, waiting for her to elaborate. It didn't seem like she was going to. "Why?"

"Tyler, I'm sorry, I just don't really want to do this."

"This..."

"I kissed you, Tyler, and you rejected me and moved back to your old town and your old girlfriend. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I know that we're not meant to be, or whatever. But I just think it's kind of ridiculous of you to think that anyone in the real world could really pull off the whole 'just friends' thing, especially under the awkward circumstances. I'd love to think that this could work out, Ty, and that we could stay best friends forever and talk to each other about our love lives, but I'd just be lying to myself. I'm a human being, Tyler, and so are you, and so, therefore, we have to be realistic and face the fact that this relationship is really at an end point." I was shocked, to say the least. I'd always known Sadie to be the monologue type, the rant type, one who, when her mind was made, would explain what she thought in an extremely thorough manner and would then proceed to stick to her belief and not even give you opinion a first glance, let alone a second one. I knew there was no way I could argue with her, no way I could change her mind. So I just said, sadly, "Well, it's been a good run, Hawk."

"I did enjoy our acquaintanceship, Tyler, and whatever else it was. Be seeing ya."

"Yea, bye, I guess."

I'd known she would call, but I guess I just hadn't seen our conversation going like that.

Dustin used to play the piano. Not well, and not often, but she couldn't sing well, and when she heard a song she loved she always wanted a way to play it herself, and since she couldn't sing it, she would learn it on the piano. She'd generally just learn the base chords, the melody, the simple parts, but when she was playing the piano, and the song that she loved spilled out from underneath under her fingers, even just the melody, she seemed like she had found bliss. I had always found the piano more frustrating than satisfying, and I had a decent enough voice that I could sing the songs I liked, and I didn't have to learn them on the piano. But, either way, we still had that small little keyboard resting underneath our couch. We never had a stand, Dustin would either put it on the table or just play it right there on the ground, "More like Bach," she said. Since summer was coming around, I decided to do a little cleaning out around the house. I was throwing away everything we didn't need, but when I pulled out that piano, it just seemed wrong to get rid of it. I knew we shouldn't cling to random little things just because they were Dustin's, I knew that was the sort of thing that kept us from growing, from moving forward. But there was something about that keyboard...it just seemed wrong to get rid of it. So I pushed it back under the couch, leaving the collected dust on the keys, where more would collect over time.

© 2010