I started searching the moment Caleb and I left, him apologizing for Penny and reminding me how drunk she was and assuring me I had a beautiful nose.
As soon as we were outside, I shot a glance at the living room window by the front door, trying to make out my reflection in the dark.
Caleb was pushing me forward, though, and soon we were past the window, onto the driveway. He opened my car door for me and I climbed in. He hurried around to the driver's seat and I, only because he was there, pushed down the impulse to pull down my mirror. I tried to look in the rear-view but Caleb was driving fast and it was dark. I focused instead on my hands, until we were in my driveway.
He kept me there for at least ten minutes, kissing my neck and my hands and telling me I was beautiful and asking if I was Ok. I gave smiles and promised him over and over that I was fine. When he finally released me, I gave him a soft kiss and hurried out of the car, up my driveway, and in the door.
I slammed my front door behind me without pausing and rushed up the stairs. I threw my bedroom door open and flipped on the light switch. Then I pushed the door closed hurriedly with one foot and walked over to my closet, which doubled as a full-length mirror. My room was bright with light by now, and I stepped up to the mirror, so close that my...so close my face was almost touching the glass.
And I stared at my nose.
It was big.
It was huge.
I'd never noticed it before, but now it seemed so obvious. My eyes weren't small, that I knew, that was impossible considering the gorgeous, enormous eyes on both of my parents. So if my eyes were big, then my nose was huge.
I stepped away from the mirror and reached with one hand up to my face, covering my nose. I felt repulsive. Every positive aspect of my appearance was suddenly naught; in company with this hideous thing on my face.
I fell onto my bed and curled into a ball, tucking my disgusting face between my knees. I drew in one shaky breath before sobs overtook me, sobs I repressed, which therefore shook my body all the more as I forced them to stay inside of my revolting body.
Penny's face was enormous behind my eyelids, and her perfect lips were moving as they repeated over and over, "Pinnochio. Pinnochio. Pinnochio." Then a flash to her eyes, which sparkled, before her lips appeared again and said, more pronouncedly, those flawless lips articulating every syllable as her tongue played along her perfect, white teeth, "Very big nose."
Again and again and again, like the soundtrack of a horror movie being screamed at me through Beats at top volume.
I grabbed a pillow, pressed it into my face, and screamed as loud as I could; let all the furious oxygen in my body escape in one irrepresible holler.
But when I looked up at my reflection again, my nose was still huge.
Only now my eyes were red and swollen, too, and everything about me looked even uglier.
© 2012
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