Damaged Goods (short story)

He talked like he had a hard candy in his mouth. The kind that sticks to the roof of your mouth while you suck on it, so that your words come out with a lisp that's barely noticeable, but there. And when he smiled, he smiled full, with his gums and his teeth showing completely as his lips spread out around them like parting ocean waters around a ship. He walked with a limp, but he was taller than everyone in the room even so. When you needed comfort, he took your hand in his and rubbed his long thumb over your knuckles.

I was sick when I fell for him. I was sneezing every twenty seconds, but I refused to stay on my couch and watch movies for twelve hours, so I took my dog for a walk. He was sitting on the curb outside of his grandfather's house, reading a book with a wide binding, when I came out. He looked up when I walked toward him and he smiled at me and pet my dog. I fell for him because he stood up and started walking with me. We walked for a long time, but he held his book in the hand opposite mine the whole time, his thumb marking his page. He smiled that huge smile and limped that limp and spoke with that lisp, and I fell for him.

Girls loved him at school. But they didn't love him the way I loved him. And I'm not claiming that I was in love with him while they simply had crushes, either. No, they didn't even have crushes. They just liked to hang on his arm and fish for his compliments and laugh at his jokes, but when they wanted prom dates, when they wanted boyfriends and someone to kiss, they drifted away from him. They enjoyed his flattering. But they didn't really want him.

He was my date to my sister's wedding. But even then, I don't think he knew that I really loved him. I don't think he even thought I really liked him. He thought I was just like the other girls- he was an accessory to hang on my arm while I walked around and to compliment me in front of my friends and family. But I really asked him to take me because I wanted to be with him.

When prom came around, he found himself dateless. He wasn't surprised and didn't look to bummed, and I didn't know how to go about asking him. It's not like it was a girl's choice. But even if he was interested in me, he wouldn't have asked me. He honestly believed he wasn't good enough for any girl.

I approached him when he was unlocking his bike after school. He smiled widely at me when he heard me calling his name, and my heartbeat sped up as I got closer to him. "Hey," I said, "Hello," he replied, and I bit my lip. "I..." I paused and looked at my feet. The thing was, I knew he would say yes. But...I don't know. "I was wondering." He tilted his head slightly, "Hm?"

"Did you-I mean...do you...do you have a date for prom? Yet?" His eyebrows shot up. "Prom?"

I swallowed, "Um. Yup. Prom."

"Do I have a date?"

"Um...yea."

"For prom?"

"Yup." He blinked at me, "Um. No, I mean, I guess not." I bit my lip, "Oh." His face went blank, and I could almost see his thoughts right there in front of me. For a minute he had been filled with shock, his heart had sped up, he had connected the dots, figured out I wanted to go with him. (I wondered if that was because he was actually interested in me or simply because I was a girl who wanted to go to prom with him.) But now I said "Oh". I didn't actually want to go with him. Of course I didn't. Who would? I was just wondering if he had a date. I was pitying him. I could hear his thoughts as if he had a thought bubble coming from his mind, and I quickly added, "Iwaswonderingifmaybeyouwantedtogowithme." Blank face gone. His eyes shot wide open and his mouth fell for a moment. "Me?"

"Yes."

"Go to prom? With you?" I swallowed, "Mhm." His eyebrows went up, "Are you kidding?"

"Um, no." Now his eyes narrowed a bit, "Are you asking me out of pity?"

"Not hardly." He bit his lip, and then said quickly, "Well,Imean,Ok,sure." Now I narrowed my eyes, "Are you accepting out of pity?"

"What?"

I rephrased. To something his particular ears would be able to comprehend more.

"Are you accepting just because I'm a girl?" He looked shocked again. "Oh," he said, "Um..." he stopped, and stared at my face for a moment, seeming to look at me, really, for the first time. "No, I don't think I am." I bit my lip, "What would you say if Charlotte asked you?" He didn't even think about it, "If she was serious, and not doing it out of pity, I would tell her she could do better than me." Then he stopped himself and his eyes widened, "I mean- not that you- I mean-" I stopped him, smiling. "You're saying yes for real because of me." He bit his lip and nodded. I smiled at him, "Can I ride on your handlebars?" He nodded slowly, and I climbed up on the handlebars and we laughed all the way to my house, his feet strong on the pedals despite his limp and his laugh louder than mine despite his lisp.

© 2011