Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 98

"We should go to Kansas."
"Kansas?"
"Yea."
"What is the appeal of Kansas that makes you want us to go there?"
"I don't know. I just think it'd make a good joke- you know, we go back to school and that one teacher who really wants to bond with the kids asks, 'Did anyone go somewhere fun over the summer?' And people will reply with things like, 'Maui', or 'Italy' or 'I visited the long lost brother I never knew I had' and then we'll be like, 'I went to Kansas.'" I laughed and slapped Selena's arm lightly, and she grinned. "Seriously," I said, "We need to think of somewhere. And somewhere closer than Kansas." Selena sighed, twirling her hair around her finger. After a moment of silence, as I went over places we could drive to mentally, she burst out with, "Portland!"
"Selena. Seriously."
"I'm being serious! I've always wanted to go to Portland. If I believed in bucket lists, visiting Portland would be on mine." I rose an eyebrow, "If you believed in bucket lists?" Selena rolled her eyes, "Yea, they're totally overrated. I mean, what if you died, and you hadn't completed the list, and there was, like, two things left...and then, like, your best friend, or something, is looking through your stuff, and finds the list, and they're like, 'Oh my gosh, I wouldn't do that with her 'cause I had too much homework that one time, and now she'll never get to do it.' Like, how depressing would that be?" I rose an eyebrow at her and shook my head, looking back down at the magazine that I was keeping open with my foot as I painted my toe nails green. Dustin's toe nails had always been green. "Oh," Selena said, sounding nervous, and I looked up, "I'm sorry. Did Dustin have a bucket list? Oh my gosh, I just vocalized something that happened, didn't I? Oh, geez, I'm-"
"No," I quickly cut her off, and I pressed a smile on my face, "No, you didn't. She didn't have one." I laughed, and shook my head, looking back down at my green toe nails, "She probably would have agreed with you." Selena pondered this for a moment and then said, "You know, actually, I think I didn't come up with that disbelief." She thought about it for a moment longer, as if checking herself mentally, and then nodded, "Yea, I remember now. Dustin told me that one, one time, when I'd been joking around that snorkeling in Oregon was totally on my bucket list." I laughed, "Well, that certainly sounded Dustin enough. Snorkeling in Oregon? Can you do that?" Selena shrugged, "Probably not." She grinned, "But somehow I doubt that would have stopped Dustin from doing it." I grinned at her and shook my head, looking back at my toes and blowing on them, moving my foot away so that the magazine could close. "Yea," I said, "lets go to Portland."

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 97

One week. Seven days, 168 hours, 10,080 minutes, however you wanted to put it. That was the amount of time until the day. That one day I was dreading so much, more than any other day in my life. More than my first day of kindergarden, more than the day I had to do my first oral report in third grade, more than the day of Dustin's funeral. My birthday. My seventeenth, that birthday Dustin had been looking forward to for years. That legendary birthday. I wished I could just have a little more time.

Something was up. Angela was antsy, she kept spacing out, whenever I looked over at her after talking to someone else, she was staring out into space, her eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought. "Angela," I said, "Something's wrong." She smiled at me and shook her head, "No, no, I'm fine." I bit my lip slightly on the inside, so she couldn't see. "Angela," I said, and I caught her eye, not letting her look away, "Honesty." She shook her head, "It's nothing important," she said, looking away, "I've just been... thinking about Dustin a lot lately. It's alright. I'm fine." But she wasn't fine. And she wasn't being honest. I could see that as clear as I could see the color of her eyes.

“I have no idea what I’m gonna get Ang for her birthday,” Jake complained one day as we sat in his room, listening to music. Milly was in Angela’s room. I sat up on his bed as he adjusted the volume on his speakers and then dropped back to the floor, where he was tying and untying his shoes. “What?” I said, almost not sure I’d heard him right. He looked up at me, “Angela’s birthday,” he said again, “I have no idea what I’m gonna get her.” He sighed, “Her seventeenth, you know? Sixteen’s a huge deal or whatever, for girls. But seventeenth, I mean...” He shook his head, “I don’t know what to get her. I mean, I’m the little brother, right? What is a little brother supposed to get his big sister for her seventeenth birthday?” I blinked at him. “Angela’s birthday?” He rose an eyebrow at me, “Yea?”

When?!” Jake’s eyebrow went up higher, “A week from now?” My mouth fell open, and I slammed my head back onto his headboard, (immediately regretting the action,) “She didn’t tell me! That’s what she wasn’t telling me!” Jake grinned, “Well, she’s never been one to like being celebrated.” I narrowed my eyes, “I’ve noticed.”


“So,” Tyler said, running his finger along the cereal boxes as I leaned over our grocery cart, moving slowly down the breakfast food aisle, “I was thinking we could go on some sort of road trip next week.” I rose an eyebrow, “A road trip?”

“Mhm,” he said, calmly, grinning slightly, “I think it’d be fun. You, me, Ed, Selena. Milly and Jake, too, if we can fit them.” I narrowed my eyes, “Why?” He grinned and shrugged, “Why not?” I bit my lip and shrugged, turning back to the pop tarts I had been examining. He was right, I guess. Why not? It wasn’t like I much wanted to be home next week anyway. “Where to?” I asked, pulling out a box of smore’s pop tarts. Tyler narrowed his eyes a tiny bit at me and asked, "Where would you like to go?" I narrowed my eyes right back at him, "Why is it my decision?" Tyler shrugged, "I'm driving. Everyone's under my rules. And my rules are your rules." I smiled slightly at this, shaking my head, and replied, "How are you going to drive all six of us?" Tyler furrowed his eyebrows, "Mom never did get over her big car fetish." I spun around to face him, "She has a van still? A VW?" He laughed at my expression, "No, no. Just a big car, not a van. But it fits eight people, if you count the driver's and passenger's seats. And the middle seats, which are really uncomfortable." He grinned, "But since we only have six attending, no one has to endure those seats." I turned around, continuing down the aisle and slowly continued, "So I get to choose where we go?"

"Yup." I bit my cheek, "I'll have to think about it."

"Take all the time you need. Just come up with something by Saturday."

"That might not be all the time I need."

"To come up with a road trip destination, I believe it is." I grinned and stole the cart from him, turning back towards the front of the store.


© 2010

Monday, November 29, 2010

A Certain Obliging Truth (short story)

There was, certainly, a certain something about trees. On certain days, when the moon was at a certain angle to her house, there was certainly something about the trees.

The word lovely was much overused by her neighbors.

"Such a lovely little woman, in such a lovely little house, in front of such a lovely little wood, with such a lovely little knack for storytelling."

She did not take a particular liking to the overuse of this word when she was being spoken of, but she was always most obliging to everyone, and put their own needs before her own, and so she complained not a bit about the loveliness, though it did bother her so.

There was a brook in the woods which was often mistaken to be a creek, but, indeed, it was not a creek, simply a brook. She never corrected the mistaken on this, however, for she was always so very obliging.

When she was quite a child indeed, quite young, so young she could not even speak, she began her strolls to that brook. She did find it very appealing, though her mother and father complained so over her wandering off on her own. She might have stopped, if only to oblige them, but she did seem to age so very quickly, and quite soon, before she could stop her strolls, she was old enough that her parents thought her strolls quite safe indeed, and in fact promoted them, for the sake of her health.

She never could recall the years that passed between when she first strolled and when she was able to stroll and oblige simultaneously once again. Her mother and father and her neighbors did indeed remember these years just as much as any other years, and often introduced to her a private joke, simply between her and themselves, which she could only pretend to laugh at, for she remembered it not at all.

It did not matter much at all, however, that she could not remember those certain years, for when they drew to a close, she began strolling again, and, other than being obliging, there was not much else she really cared to recall.

And so she was twelve when she strolled again. She would step off of her sweet little porch just when the moon was at a certain angle to her house, and she would lock her hands quite nicely behind her back as she walked off into the wood, quite politely. Everyone who saw her walk off in this manner was quite obliged, for it was such a very sweet sight, and she did so much enjoy being obliging.

She walked through all of the leaves and branches and mud and stones, and they all obliged her nice little clothes, bending away so that she might keep herself clean and not be lectured upon her return home- but she never really was lectured, for she always was so very obliging indeed.

And so it was that she walked quite easily to the little brook which was not a creek, almost everyday- even when it rained, she might, for the rain always obliged her, bending away so that she might not get herself wet.

Those who oblige are very often much obliged also.

When she did reach this little brook, a certain stone would sweep itself for her with a nice little breeze, which did not ruffle her hair, and she would sit on it and admire her surroundings.

And when it came about that there was a certain something about the trees, the wind obliged her very much. It puffed up her dress, keeping her slip down appropriately, and she floated like a flower on the breeze to the tops of the trees.

There she was taken by a boy who once obliged also to a world that belonged only to those who obliged. There they all scrubbed others' clothes and sang little riddles that no one but they themselves would ever be able to solve.

She went out to the brook every day until she reached the age of leaving. By then, her strolls were still considered healthy, and therefore permitted, but she must keep the truth of the certain trees to herself, for such an understanding as hers of what was real and true was not obliging to anyone except those who also had this understanding, which was not many people at all, certainly not her mother or father or neighbors.

The boy was very sober to hear that she must leave, but as he also was obliging, he did not press her to stay, instead giving her a simple touch of the wind and the water, by touching his lips to hers. She was connected to him, then, by all that is obliging, and she went on away from her house without a freedom of choosing a boy for herself from her peers.

This was fine with her, of course, because she was so very obliging, and so was he, and she would certainly oblige his promise, because he had obliged her desire.

She never could recall the years that passed between that last stroll and when she was able to stroll and oblige simultaneously once again. Her mother and father and her neighbors did indeed remember these years just as much as any other years, and often introduced to her a private joke, simply between her and themselves, which she could only pretend to laugh at, for she remembered it not at all.

It did not matter much at all, however, that she could not remember those certain years, for when they drew to a close, she began strolling again, and, other than being obliging, there was not much else she really cared to recall.

She obliged her mother and father by working at a bookstore in town, and soon enough opened her own little bookstore, and it was very nice indeed, and obliged everyone who entered it, no matter how tedious the book they might be searching for was.

She worked this way for many years, living above her shop and walking every night down to the brook in the woods behind her parent's house. She only sat on the clean little rock, however, during those years, and if she was taken up to the top of the trees, which she seldom was, the boy did not meet her there, and she only sat and looked over the treetops. She missed the boy remarkably, but she knew she would see him again, for they were promised to each other by the wind and the water, and the breeze touched her face whenever she sat on the trees, assuring her that she would be obliged, just as she obliged him.

Her mother and father passed away quite together, within a few months of each other. They were not too much pitied that they had no grandchildren, for they believed no child should ever be as sweet as their own had been, and they did not want to disappoint their daughter by believing so, even when introduced to their very own grandchildren.

By now she was old indeed, and she moved back into her parents' house, obligingly leaving the shop to the boy who seemed to love it so much. She rocked in her chair during the day, and told stories more true than even the children she told them to could know.

Every night, when the moon was at a certain angle to her house, she strolled to the brook in the woods behind her house, and all her neighbors were quite obliged by the sight, for they had not known her when she was a lovely child, but now she a lovely old woman, and it equalled in sweetness quite nicely.

The word lovely was much overused by these neighbors.

"Such a lovely little woman, in such a lovely little house, in front of such a lovely little wood, with such a lovely little knack for storytelling."

She did not take a particular liking to the overuse of this word when she was being spoken of, but she was always most obliging to everyone, and put their own needs before her own, and so she complained not a bit about the loveliness, though it did bother her so.

She came to a certain age when she felt herself quite tired, and she knew it was certainly her time to leave. And so, when the moon was at a certain angle to her house, she strolled, obliging her neighbors one last time, out to the brook in the woods behind her house.

She walked through all of the leaves and branches and mud and stones, and they all obliged her nice little clothes, bending away so that she might keep herself clean.

And so it was that she walked quite easily to the little brook which was not a creek- easily even though it rained, for the rain obliged her, bending away so that she might not get herself wet.

Those who oblige are very often much obliged also.

When she did reach this little brook, a certain stone swept itself for her with a nice little breeze, which did not ruffle her soft little hair, and she sat on it and admired her surroundings.

And when it came about that there was a certain something about the trees, the wind obliged her very much. It puffed up her nightdress, keeping her slip down appropriately, and her frail and obliging body floated like a flower on the breeze to the tops of the trees.

There she was met by a boy who once obliged also, and he renewed their promise, touching his sweet young lips to her frail old ones, and she was quite a little girl again, quite the same age as him. And now they had obliged all they could, and they were taken away to a place where the wind and the water and the plants danced and sang, and they danced and sang with them forever.

Believe me if you will, or if you will not, do not- I should not like to have you not obliged.

For a certain people can find a certain truth which will lead them to such a lovely little world, but the only way to reach it, of course, is to oblige.

© 2010

Thursday, November 25, 2010

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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 96

Angela and I sat in her treehouse one afternoon, and Angela talked to me. It was incredible,
the difference between the way she talked to me now, and the way she used to talk to me. And really, it was also incredible the way I talked to her now. "When it happened, even, I didn't really break down, you know? I was just kind of in shock. I mean, I cried, I cried a lot, but I never really broke down. But then, at the funeral, they called me out and asked me to drop a flower... and I just couldn't take it anymore." She shook her head and looked up at the sky again. "I mean, I came into the world with her, you know? I came into the world with her... and I just couldn't... couldn't let her leave the Earth without me." She shook her head and I just watched her. "Selena," she said, "You know, I get why we connect. I mean, we were acquaintences before, and we get along well enough to be close friends anyway...but, I mean, I don't think I would have initially became friends with her if it wasn't for that... that one thing we have in common." I looked up at the sky, too, and then squinted, looking back at her face, "And what's that?" Angela just shook her head, "A sister," she said, "we both lost our sister." My eyes widened, "Selena...?"
"It's different for her, because her sister hadn't been born yet." I blinked, and Angela explained, "When Selena was thirteen, her mom got pregnant again. I just remember her being so excited, boasting to everyone about the new baby sister she was gonna have. She had pictures of the ultra sounds covering all of her binders. I mean, she was psyched. It was like the child was born already, the way she loved her." Angela took in a breath, and it was shaky. I wanted to reach out, stop her shaking, but sometimes I felt like she just needed to shake. "Her mom went through all nine months," she continued. She laughed, but not joyously, "All nine months. The mood swings, the cravings, the general hormone overdose. The pain, the morning sickness, everything." She looked at me, right in the eyes, for just a moment, and then looked away again. "And child birth. They're kind of low-key eco people, you know, vegatarians, Selena only wear faux leather, all that. So her mom wanted to do it totally natural. Organic." Her eyes started to water, and I looked down at the wood beneath me, afraid for what I knew came next. "And she did. Completely. The baby came out, the delivery went well. There was just one problem." Another shaky breath, "The baby was dead."
"Oh, geez," I said, almost involuntarily, shaking my head and pressing a hand to my face. "Yea." Angela said. She looked back over at me and smiled sadly, "Yea." She shook her head and looked away again, "So that's what we have in common. We both lost our sister. And you know, miscarriage is so underrated. I mean, can you imagine that? Some people can make it through it fine, some people don't get too attached or are able to move on fast or have another baby to make them forget. But not her family. No, she was too old to have any more kids. And they had been as attached to that baby as they were to Selena, she has been as attached to it as much as she was to them. She lost her sister." She smiled sadly at me again, "The main difference between us was that my grief went more acknowledged. Hers...people didn't give her the time she needed to grieve." She laughed sarcastically, "'Cause after all, it's just a baby, right? Just a fetus." She shook her head and looked up at the stars again.

© 2010

BTW Your Shirt's Inside Out

Thanksgiving's coming, lots of food and NO CALORIE COUNTING ALLOWED.

Thanksgiving/Beginning of Winter Playlist
  1. Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy
  2. What I Wouldn't Do by A Fine Frenzy
  3. Rain by Mika
  4. The Future Calls the Dawn by Felix Da Housecat
  5. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry (Glee Cover)
  6. My Stupid Mouth by John Mayer
  7. Skinny Love by Bon Iver
  8. Dream by Priscilla Ahn
  9. Time Flies by Lykke Li
  10. Christmas Song by Owl City
  11. Peppermint Winter by Owl City
Background stories for this playlist-

  1. I knew this song for so long before I knew who the artist was. It's one of those songs that people recognize when they hear it, and they love it, but they never bother to look up the artist, check out their other music. Thanks to Pandora and my compiling of a playlist which I listen to while I write Broken Glass, Broken hearts, I found many more songs by A Fine Frenzy, and I love and adore them.
  2. (See backstory for song 1.)
  3. My friend showed me the music video for this. Loved Mika before, but not in the wait-for-new-album-to-come-out-excitedly way. More of the love-five-of-their-songs-don't-know-any-others way. I seriously love this song, and the music video, though I do find it sort of funny that it doesn't rain in the music video for the song "Rain".
  4. Heard this song when shopping with said friend, over store speakers. LOVE.
  5. Ok, who doesn't like Glee? Other than a lot of people. (I'm not one of those people.) Even if you don't, Darren Criss's voice is still irresistible.
  6. My math teacher totally pulled out his guitar and played this for my class. It was awesome.
  7. Just another song I found for the Broken Glass, Broken Hearts playlist. Totally love it. I know, I know- the Broken Glass, Broken Hearts playlist is seeming a lot like the Twilight playlists (aka soundtracks). Yea, I kind of found the two artists I made the basis of this playlist from the New Moon soundtrack. Don't judge me! It's good music. And totally fits the Broken mood.
  8. (See backstory for song 7. Also totally love this one.)
  9. (See backstory for songs 7 and 8. Also, Lykke Li is one of the two artists I based the whole Broken playlist on. Along with Anya Marina.)
  10. Found this song last year way too early for Christmas and listened to it repeatedly anyway. Now I can finally listen to it in season again!
  11. Unlike Mika, this is an artist that I do love in the wait-for-the-new-album-to-come-out-excitedly way. Actually, way more than that. But you already knew that. Anyway, exclaimed with joy when this song finally came out. And bought a Peppermint Frappuccinno from Starbucks just for the occasion. Will be playing on Repeat all December long.

And a Movie Playlist
  1. Dead Poets Society
  2. 10 Things I Hate About You
  3. Big Fish
  4. Emma (and Clueless, too!) ((Though Gwyneth Paltrow's portrayal of a late 17th century character isn't exactly incredible acting in the movie, and nothing next to Keira Knightley's performance in Pride and Prejudice-though, I mean, come on, Keira's in a lot of movies in that general time period...sort of- the story is still lovely, and I'm a huge Jane Austen fan, reading this one right now.)) (((Also, Gwyneth is forgiven for her simply-Ok late 17th century character portrayal because she was FABULOUS on Glee last week.))) ((((Also, I don't know why I keep adding more parentheses.))))

Hang tight, don't stay up all night-
Sienna, aka She Who Loves Maggie Stiefvater (Seriously, click that. It's incredible.)
(Professional wrestler in all 60 states)

p.s. You know what other show I love? Raising Hope. WATCH IT.


© 2010

Friday, November 19, 2010

R.I.P.
Heath Ledger

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 95

"He wants to work in the loony bin?" Selena asked, her voice disbelieving. I grinned and nodded, though of course she couldn't see me, "Yea," I said, adjusting the phone on my shoulder as I rearranged the books in my bookcase, "Or help with kids at a school, you know. Something like that."
"Wow. Who knew Tyler was the saint, right?" She paused, "Well, other than you, of course." I laughed, "Yea, other than me." Selena sighed, "I'm bored out of my mind. We should go to a movie."
"Nothing good's out right now."
"Something good's always out. At least one movie is always relatively good."
"Not really in the mood for a relatively good movie, thanks."
"Fine," Selena consented with a sigh, "What do you want to do, Miss Sarcasm?" I thought about it, squeezing the last book in the case. "How about," I paused, "How about...Cheesecake Factory?" Selena considered this for a moment. "Alright. Fetuccini sounds pretty good right about now." I could practically hear her shrug, "Besides, I need a new jacket. That one place has those awesome faux leather ones, remember? It's in that mall, right?"
"I don't know. But pretty much all malls have a Factory. You could just look it up." Selena agreed, "Ok. I'll call you back in a minute, then. Call Tyler. And have him call Ed."
"He's with him right now, I think."
"Perfect."
"Flirt."
"Whatever. Call you in a few." Selena hung up and I dialed Tyler's cell. He picked up, and said he was already at the mall by the school, and that they'd meet us at the Factory in twenty minutes. Selena called back and agreed to come pick me up, and we left for the mall.
We walked around the mall after eating, Selena searching for the store which held her precious faux leather jackets. Tyler and I trailed slightly behind Selena and Ed, holding hands as I peered in store windows, looking at the cheesy summer displays. We walked past one store that sold all sorts of things for houses, and I looked at the heart-shaped window frame that leaned against the window of the store and bit my lip. "That is so adorable," Selena said, motioning towards the frame, "I wish my house had windows that were shaped cool. Or at least normally. I swear, my house feels like an institution. Selena nudged Tyler in the side, "Perfect place for you, Tyler, sweetheart." I grinned at this and looked away from the frame, over to Tyler's wincing face. "Angela," he said, "I will forever resent you for telling her about that." I laughed and kissed him on the cheek, "You'll get over it, in time."

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 94

As Tyler drove us home that night, Jake listening to his iPod so loud it sounded loud to me, I turned to him and said, "What do you want to be when you grow up, Tyler?" Tyler laughed, "When I grow up."
"You know what I mean." He smiled and shook his head and then put a finger to his lip, as if pondering, "Hm," he said, "Well..." then he lost his joking face, putting his hand back on the steering wheel and acquiring an expression that told me he was really thinking about this. "I think I'd like to drive a garbage truck." I laughed and slapped his arm and he grinned widely, "What? Someone has to do it." I rolled my eyes, grinning and said, "Seriously, Tyler." He grinned at me, "Ok, Ok. I think I want to work with mentally disabled kids." I rose an eyebrow at him, but didn't say anything. Yet. He shot me a grin, "What?"
"Seriously?" He shrugged, "Well, yea. I've always had a soft spot for kids with autism. Maybe I'll work with an organization. Maybe I'll be an aid at a school. Maybe I'll work in a loony bin." He shrugged and said, "You know, I just want to help people. And I feel like that's the way I could do it." He smiled at me, "You do, too, you know. Educating 'tomorrow's leaders' and all that." I laughed and looked back out of the front window. "Wow, Tyler," I said, "You just keep getting better and better."
"I'm pretty great, not gonna lie." I laughed and smacked his arm again, and he smiled and took the hand I had slapped him with in his own.

"So Angela wants to be college professor," my mom said as I walked back in the door after driving Angela and Jake home. "Yup," I replied, walking into the living room and cleaning up the remains of the mess we had made. My mom turned off the water- she was rinsing the dishes- "Well," she said, "You guys better not have too many kids." I stared at her. "Excuse me?" I exclaimed after a moment. She grinned, "You know, with you working in the nut house and her making a teacher's salary. Actually, how much do nut house workers make?" She scrunched up her nose, "Maybe scratch that. For all I know, nut house workers are upper-class income makers." I stared at her, "Ok, first of all, professors make more than elementary teachers. Not all that much, but enough. Second, I don't know if I'm gonna work at the nut house. I might work at a school or something-"
"Teacher's salary number two."
"-and third of all, why would you simply assume that Angela and I are going to have kids?" I blushed, "Or, um, I mean, get married?" My mom smiled at me and turned the sink back on. Then, over the sound of the water, she said, "You'll get married. And have kids. In that order. And you'll work in the nut house." I bit my lip, "You don't know any of those things." She shook her head and sighed as she turned the water off again, done with the dishes. She dried her hands on the dish towel and came out of the kitchen, smiling (almost sadly) at me, "Oh, Tyler, dear," she said, "You simply must give more credit to a mother's intuition." She smiled at me, "Trust me, dear. I know those things."

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 93

We ate on the floor, because the kitchen table was "still under reconstruction", in Linda's words. I had officially learned that Tyler's mom's name was Linda, and that she was music supervisor for commercials. So, that song that you loved in that commercial that was kind of lame but made better by the song? She chose that song. Lykke Li played softly over her speakers as we ate. We all talked and laughed as if we had been friends for years, and we were just having a reunion. Everything felt really comfortable, like I was as much a part of this family as Tyler was. "So what kind of job do you want, Angela?" Linda asked me. I smiled and shrugged, "I'm not sure. Maybe a teacher. I'd kind of like to be a college professor. I mean, I love kids, but I think I'd prefer to teach kids that can teach me, too. I mean, not that younger kids can't, but...I don't know. I feel like people are most influenced by their college professors. I'd like to be influential, you know?" Linda smiled and nodded and Tyler smiled at me, too, resting his chin in his fist. "Personally, I think my teacher that was my biggest influence was my kindergarden teacher. She was a real talent." I laughed, and Tyler shook his head with a little grin, but then Linda smiled and said, "But then again, I'm not really much help in that area, since I didn't go to college." I rose an eyebrow and cleared my throat, "So, um, what did you want to be when you were our age, Linda?" It was weird feeling so comfortable calling an adult by her first name, especially a woman who I'd really only known for about an hour. Linda laughed, "Oh, I'd never really planned any sort of plan for the future. I guess I'd just always kind of figured I'd die young, in some tragically beautiful way." She shook her head and smiled at me, but her smile fell, and I guessed my face must have gone blank. I felt like my body had just stopped- like all my organs had just shut down momentarily. Tyler looked over at me and then at his mom. I cleared my throat and replied quickly, before Tyler could start to wonder whether it was his place to tell his mom my secrets, "My sister passed away recently. Twin sister, so very young." Linda scrunched up her eyebrows, "Oh dear. I'm very sorry. How did she go?" I shook my head, "A baseball shattered our window. Her heart was impaled by the glass." Linda's eyes widened, "And what sort of girl was she?" I looked down at my plate, "Very energetic. Always happy. She wore a lot of bright colors." There was so much more I could say about her, so much more to her than this, but it seemed to me like this was what she would've wanted me to describe her to people as. "Ah," Linda said, "And what job did she want?" I looked up at her now. I hadn't exactly been expecting that question, to say the least. "Um," I said, and I couldn't help but smile as I remembered, "She used to tell me she wanted to be a street performer. Just dress up in a bunch of bizarre clothes, put a top hat on the sidewalk, and dance badly to 80's music. She said people would feel so bad for her that she's make a good profit." I laughed a bit. Dustin always did have a sense of humor. Linda smiled, "Well then," she said, "I am satisfied. It seems she went just the way she would have wanted to." I rose an eyebrow at her, "What?" Linda smiled and nodded, "She sounds like the kind of girl who would have wanted to go dramatically. And that story you've just told me, that's a very good one. She would have been pleased." I thought about that for a moment. Then I laughed a bit, "Yea," I said, "I guess you're right." Tyler leaned over to me while everyone else was caught up in conversation and said, "She did agree that dying would be an awfully big adventure, didn't she?" I smiled at him and nodded.

© 2010

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Nibble part 25

Gabby had been sick Monday and Tuesday, but she was well as ever on Wednesday, and had been clued in by Lindsay on what had occurred- and what might have occurred. I cleared my throat when I found both of them standing by my locker as I walked up. They had their arms crossed over their chests, and their eyes were narrowed. They looked weird, both standing there, polar opposites in appearance, but standing in the same position. "Um, hey, guys," I nodded at them, blushing already. "She blushes!" Lindsay exclaimed, "That means something!" Gabby stuck out her hand to me and said, "Hello, ma'am, I'm Gabby, your best friend since third grade, along with this weird woman standing with me," she pointed to Lindsay, "The one you tell all your secrets to? The one who tells you all her secrets, even the deep, dark ones?" I laughed and shook my head, "Hey, Gabby."
"Would you like to tell me what's going on with Nick Angel?" I swallowed, "Oh, um, he got tackled by this gang. Really sucks."
"Sure does. Let me rephrase. Would you like to tell me what's going on with Nick Angel and you?" I blushed bright. "Ah," I cleared my throat, "I, uh, visited him at the hospital."
"I heard."
"So why do you ask?"
"Little Missy. Would you like to tell me what else is going on between you and Nick Angel? You better be real with me. I cannot stand lies, you know, even white ones."
"I know."
"So. Tell me." I sighed and turned to my locker, "I don't know," I said, "I just..." I paused, and started over, "We just-" started over again, "He-" then, right on cue, Nick walked up. "Hello, ladies," he said, and the usual chills ran down my spine like a roller coaster on its tracks. I coughed, choking on my words. "Good to see you again, Gabrielle. I hope you're feeling better." Gabby sniffed, "I should be saying that to you, Mr. I can't believe you got tackled in an alley and lived to tell the story." Nick laughed, "I'm glad about that." Gabby nodded, "I bet you are. We are, too."
"'Specially Remi," Lindsay put in, oh so graciously. I gave her my best dagger eyes. "So, Nick," Lindsay ventured, "How's your girlfriend doing?" I blushed like a strawberry and tried to figure out where I should look. Nick blinked, "Excuse me?" Lindsay grinned, "Your girlfriend. Don't you have a girlfriend who goes to another school?" Nick rose an eyebrow, "Um, not that I know of." Lindsay shrugged, "Oh, well, you know how rumors go." She smiled at him, and just as the silence began to feel awkward, she continued, "So, if you don't have a girlfriend, who do you think you'll take to prom?" Nick rose an eyebrow at her with a tiny half-grin, like he had figured out her plotting. I felt like letting out a sigh of relief- he wouldn't give me away. "Oh, I don't know," he said, "I don't usually go to school dances." Lindsay smiled, "Oh, but you have to go to your senior prom. So who shall you take?" He grinned wider, "I don't know, Lindsay. Would you care to go with me?" I held back a laugh as Lindsay blinked at him in surprise. "Wuh-I-" Nick interrupted her with a wave as he turned from us and said, "See you later, ladies."

© 2010

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 92

WIth Tyler and Milly constantly at our house, I wondered what their
mom did all day. I knew she had a job, but it was a stay-at-home job, and
having her kids gone all the time seemed to kind of defeat the purpose of getting
a stay-at-home job. And so I finally proposed that Jake and I go over to Tyler's
for once. I didn't want to invite myself, but Tyler showed up at our door at
random times and didn't seem to think his house was even an option, so I figured
it was time I spoke up. "Hey," I said as all of us stood around our kitchen counter,
eating chips and guacamole, "How about we go to your place today? I'd like to see
your new house. And I've never really formally met your mom." I had sort of met
Tyler's mom a couple of times in car drives and such, but we had never really
gotten to have an actual conversation. Not that Tyler had ever had a real
conversation with my parents, either- but his mom kind of seemed like the type
of person that I could have a conversation with. Tyler seemed to hesitate for a
moment at this idea, but then he agreed, "Yea, Ok. Sure."

Angela had already met my mom, and she must have been fine with her if she
wanted to "formally meet her". So I had nothing to worry about. Still, I was
worried. I couldn't help thinking about what Angela would have thought if she had
met her years ago, when she was just a teen- when she met my dad, when she had
me. Would she have blushed at her ragged appearance or coughed because of her
cigarette smoke? Would she have tried to keep a safe distance from her when she
was leaning against our van in a gas station, worrying that she might get
pick-pocketed? Of course, these were all things I shouldn't have been worrying
about. She wasn't that girl anymore, that teen smoking under the bleachers. But
yet, I still worried. Because I knew this woman better than almost anyone else,
excepting two other women, both of which would be with me this afternoon. I
knew this woman, and I knew that she really was still that girl. No matter how
much she tried to grow out of that stage, she would forever be that girl.
Tyler's mom opened the door and smiled widely at us. She had on a pair of
sweatpants that made it obvious that she had stick legs inside them, and a loose
dark green wide V-neck top that hung off one of her shoulders, revealing an
extremely accentuated collarbone. My collarbone was pretty dominant, when I
leaned forward just slightly there was practically a little miniature bowl right
there. But this woman's shoulders had deep bowls just standing straight, and the
collarbone itself looked like a tiny tree limb, it stuck out so much. She was small,
probably 5'2'', at least two inches shorter than me. Her hair was wild and messy
but somehow still looked soft. She had thick lips, the kind that you would swear
were injected with collagen if they weren't so perfectly shaped. But the most
prominent feature anywhere on her person were her incredibly blue eyes, which
were huge and sparkled with excitement- I recognized them. I looked back for a
moment and Tyler and Milly both smiled at me as I saw replicas of those eyes in
both of their faces. I had seen her in the car a few times already, but she had
always been wearing sunglasses and huge sweatshirts. "Hello," she said, "Nice to
see you again, Angela." I smiled widely, because it seemed impossible to not smile
at this woman as she smiled up at me. "You, too," I replied.

© 2010

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 91

Sure enough, as I had warned Tyler, the summer of wooing began, and he and I were dragged to various places to be onlookers as Selena tried to win over Ed. "Drawe," she would call him, and in an either ironic or tacky way, she would draw out this last name of his all the time, while laughing at something that he had said, which was usually not really all that funny. I could tell her would cave some time, she was convincing when she wanted to be, but he was stronger than most of her interests, and he seemed like he wanted quite a while of wooing before he would take it upon himself to ask her out. Which meant, a whole lot of trips to lakes, movies, malls, and concerts for Tyler and I. Which neither of us really minded, since it was basically what we would have been doing anyway, and these were the people that we probably would have been doing it with anyway. Shane and Emily came back in late June, a few weeks after we got out of school, and they sometimes joined us on these excursions, sometimes didn't. They seemed to go on a lot of one day trips, driving six hours to a place where they could ski and then coming back at, like, three AM, or driving eight hours to some beach. Their parents were like that- always wanted to spend time with them, and thought of creative ways to make sure that this happened. Tyler and I joined them on a couple of these, but mostly they just seemed like too much driving for so short a trip.

When I walked into my house, I found my mom dancing around the living
room. The CB remix of I'm Good, I'm Gone by Lykke Li was blasting out of the
living room speakers, and my mom was singing loudly along as she threw
herself around the living room. I laughed, "Hey, mom," I said. She jumped
about eight feet and quickly stopped dancing, grabbing the remote and pressing
pause. "Um," she said, "H-h-hi, Tyler." I shook my head with a chuckle and
walked around her, to my bedroom. About a minute later, the music started
playing again.
I picked up Angela and Selena from Selena's house and we drove down to
the park, where Ed was already sitting on a picnic bench, staring over the play
structure with his headphones in. I walked up behind him and shook his
shoulders, and he jumped. He laughed and pulled out his headphones, "Hey,
guys."

I laughed hysterically as Tyler pushed me on the swings, and Selena and
Ed climbed to the top of the slide, riding down together like eight year olds. I
hung backwards as I swung into Tyler, and he laughed as I slammed into his
stomach. I stayed hanging backwards like that as the swing slowed down,
closing my eyes and feeling my hair move like the water of the ocean. When I
finally came to a relative stop, Tyler knelt down on his knees and smiled
goofily at me as my upside down face hung in front of his. He scrunched up his
nose for a moment and then, in a split-second decision, leaned forward and
kissed me. He pulled away quickly and pushed me again, and I was laughing
again so soon that I barely had time to really register what had just happened,
but the feeling of his lips stung on mine like one of those sour candies you eat
when you're little just for the thrill.

© 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 90

"'The time has come,' the walrus said, 'to talk of many things.' Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll." Tyler read the words out of my fifth grade yearbook. When we graduated from elementary school, we had all been allowed to choose a quote that would be put under our picture in the yearbook. Most people chose song lyrics or quotes from people they thought were intelligent, hoping that their quotes would make them, in turn, look also intelligent. Looking back, though, most of them probably blushed at their selection. That quote, from Alice in Wonderland, which Tyler had just read, had been underneath Dustin's picture. When we got into high school, she immediately started thinking about what quote she would have under her senior year photo in the yearbook- and she decided she wanted that same one. "My sister had wanted that to be her senior quote, too," I told him. He smiled and turned the page, looking through other quotes. "She had wanted to paint it on our wall, eventually," I told him. I looked up, "Right there," I informed him, pointing to the space above the secret hallway door where Dustin had planned to eventually have the quote put up. Tyler looked there, too, and said, "So why don't you?" I blinked at him, "What?" He shrugged, "Yea," he said, "I think you should." He looked back at the yearbook and I looked back at the wall, wondering why I had never thought of that. "Oh," he said, "Here's yours." He cleared his throat and read aloud, "To die will be an awfully big adventure. Peter Pan, by J.M. Barrie." He looked up at me and blinked. I blinked right back at him. "Oh," I said, "I'd forgotten that was my quote." I bit my lip and looked down at the yearbook, as if I had to see the words for myself to really believe it. Tyler looked at the floor in front of us and I looked directly at the spot where he was looking as I said, or perhaps whispered, "Dustin had always said that she agreed with that." Tyler's eyebrows furrowed, "Well," he said. He turned to look at me and smiled slightly, sadly, "I bet it was."

Selena, Ed, Angela, and I were all sitting by one of the upper lakes. Selena was pretending to get a tan as she lay out on her towel, though I suspected she really just wanted to stretch out her figure, for Ed's viewing sake. I probably would have noticed on my own time eventually, but when Selena called Angela's house and told her, (notice- told, not asked,) that we (we being Angela and I, who had become even more of a packaged deal than we used to be,) along with Ed, were going up to the second upper lake, Angela had said promptly, after Selena had hung up, "Ed is her current catch." I laughed, "Oh really?"
"Yes. Really. Prepare yourself, for we are about to be pulled into a summer of wooing. She will use us at every chance she can get as an excuse to hang out with that boy."
Now, this theory was being proven as Selena lay on the shore of the lake in her bathing suit, though the trees were thick enough that the few rays of sun that might reach us would definitely not tan us. Angela was sitting very close to the water, trying to decide whether or not to swim. Ed and I were sitting on a huge boulder, staring out over the water, and Ed was, much to Selena's gratification, periodically looking away from the water and over to her spread out frame. I was doing the same, looking from the trees and the sparkling lake to Angela's hands as they played with the water, and her hair as it spilled over her shoulders, or her shoulders themselves when she used her hand to move all her hair away from one side of her as she reached into the lake to pull out a handful of the soft mud. She had a loose t-shirt on over her bathing suit, but as she stood up, finally deciding to get in the water, it brushed along her hip so that I could see the shape of it. When she dived in and then jumped back up, the shirt clung to her, proving just how thin she really was. Her legs looked long, and her hips were pleasantly curved, she was not an hourglass, but clearly not a ruler.

© 2010

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Only He Knows (Overpowered By Hope)

They all call out
They scream and they shout
Their voices can be heard
Though their words seem absurd
They all come now
Overpowered by hope


And I wonder, What shall we do with our lives? But when I ask them, they simply say, "I don't know, I don't know, no one knows 'til it comes and it goes"

Is there a way that we can avoid- all that makes the wars start- I wish I could wrap my arms around these people- like shaking children- and tighten my grip, for they are weaker than the newborns

And we fall- we trip on the most obvious of obstacles- but mostly- it's the strings that hold us together- it's the little things that destroy- the little ones who make us better

And who believes- there are lies, impossible to count- but still, as the night falls- all the people will call-
someday, when their hearts are broken- their bleeding tongues will scream and when they have spoken- all will know that they believe

And I wonder, What shall we do with our lives? But when I ask them, they simply say, "I don't know, I don't know, no one knows 'til it comes and it goes"

But He knows- there's only One who knows- and it's Him- only He knows

They all call out
They scream and they shout
Their voices can be heard
Though their words seem absurd
They all come now
Overpowered by hope

© 2010

Nibble part 24

Nick walked me to the end of the alley and then we turned to face each other. Usually, at this point, we would simply go our separate ways- sometimes not even saying goodbye. I bit my lip and he grinned at me, "Have fun?"
"Certainly." He chuckled and saluted me. He started to turn away from me, to walk away, and I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. He rose an eyebrow at me, and I went on tiptoe, pushing my lips against his. I had almost half-expected them to be hard and chapped, but they weren't. They were soft, and they melted under my lips, molding to fit into me. We stayed still like that for a moment- our lips pressed against each other, not moving. I started to pull away, worried I'd made wrong assumptions, but just as my lips disconnected from his, he grabbed my waist and pulled me back against him. He buried his hands in my hair as his lips met mine again and I reached up and twisted my fingers through his own hair. He kissed me desperately, as if this was the only thing he could do to keep someone alive- me, him, us. When we parted, I immediately buried my face into his chest, and he put his hand on my head for a moment before bringing my face up to his again. When we parted, he said, "So long." I kept my face buried in his shirt, but murmured, "What?" He laughed, "So long," he said, "I've wanted to do that for so long."

The house was dark as usual when I walked up to it. I went to the front door, wanting to stop in the kitchen before I went back to my room. I stepped into the house and closed the door behind me with a soft click. As I turned, I noticed a light on in the living room. My eyes widened as my mom looked up from a book she was reading on the couch. "Oh," she said, blinking at me, "I hadn't known you were out." I was speechless, so I simply nodded. "Hm," she said, "Where were you?" I swallowed, and then figured, why lie? "With a boy from school." She nodded and looked back at her book, "And how was that?" I narrowed my eyes, "Good, I suppose."
"Do you suppose, or do you know?"
"...I know."
"Well. That's nice." I paused, wondering when she would say something else, when she would start screaming at me like she screamed at dad. But she didn't, she simply stared at her book, flipping a page. I watched her eyes scan the words for a moment before I responded, "Yea." She didn't look up at me again, and I had forgotten that I was hungry, so I turned to walk to my room and said, "Good night."
She said nothing in response.

© 2010

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Little

Little things
Little words
Little smiles
Huge marks

Little comforts
Little tears
Little smiles
Huge fears

Little worries
Little frights
Little scares
In the endless night

© 2010

Used Houses

The wood creaks
The paint peels
The faucets leak
This whole place feels
Occupied
Still

The window open
The door closed
The wind comes in
The lights go out

Someone here before me
The ghost of their presence
Creaks in the wood
Peels paint off the walls
Flows out the faucets

For Sale sign
Come, buy this place
This used house

I think I'll build my own.

© 2010


Sunday, November 7, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 89

It seemed sort of ironic to me that, despite the fact that I had been living in a different area for months, Angela's house still felt for more like home than my own. Of course, this most likely had to be partially contributed to the fact that my house was new- but still, I did feel extremely comfortable in her home. It was, however, slightly less comfortable for me now that her parents were (finally) home. Her mom was all too welcoming, enough so that I almost felt like telling her that I would keep returning to her house because her daughter lived there, and there was no need to show me so much hospitality or issue so many invitations. And her father was uncomfortably not protective, which was surprising. You'd think his being cool with his daughter's boyfriend practically living at his house would be amazing for the said boyfriend, but it just made me feel like I should show up less often, if only to spite his lack of parental responsibility. I wanted to just grab both of their shoulders and be like, "I know you lost a daughter, guys, but you do realize you still have to two kids left, right? You do realize that they too are mourning, and that now, more than ever, would be an awesome time for you guys to act like parents?" But of course it was not my place to say anything of the sort, and even if I did, and they didn't kick me out for offending them, (after pointedly not kicking me out, no matter how much time I spent there,) I had a feeling they wouldn't listen to my advice. They seemed completely oblivious to their children's pain, but, at the same time, it seemed that, if their eyes were opened to it, they might feel guilty for a moment, but then they would only go on with their distraction-making. They had lost a child. And in the wake of it, they were losing two more.

I could see how Tyler watched my father as he moved through the living room when my head was resting on his lap, or when my face was tucked into his chest. I could see how he bit his lip when my mom offered him an endless amount of refreshments and invited him to stay for dinner, even as I sat on his lap. He didn't seem relieved when my father didn't tell him to get his hands off his daughter. He didn't seem happy when he was invited to stay longer with his girlfriend. And I knew that neither of these things were because of me, I knew he wasn't secretly longing to be kicked out of the house. He just wanted them to say something, to lecture him, to give some sign of irritation at his constant presence. He wanted them to act like parents.
I couldn't honestly say that I didn't want the same thing. Probably more than he did.

© 2010

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 88

"I remember I used to lay on our van and stare up at the sky...I used
to pretend that I was where ever we had been last. The stars were always
the same, no matter where we were. Maybe there were more or less in
one spot than another, but the ones that were there were always in
the same spots. The stableness of them calmed me. I liked to lay on the
roof, for hours on end." Angela and I were laying in her treehouse, staring
up at the stars that peaked through the branches to shine at us. She smiled
and kept staring up at them. Eventually, she turned over onto her belly and
looked down at the forest floor beneath us. "I like to think about the fact
that chances are, no person's been in this area for years...but animals, on the
other hand, pass through here every day. If a person walked through here,
they would see this treehouse, probably wonder about it. But the animals
just see it, and if they do acknowledge it as different from the rest of their
surroundings, it doesn't effect them. They just keep on walking." I grinned
and stared down at the little footprints her eyes were set on. "Just keep on
walking," I agreed, nodding. She smiled at me and turned back onto her back,
staring at the stars again. But I just kept looking at those footprints, thinking
about moving forward. Something that my family and I had done for years,
just kept moving... when really we were getting nowhere at all. But now, here,
with Angela... staying in this one spot, I was finally getting somewhere.

Tyler came with me to work the day after Sadie called him. His spirits
were down a bit, but whenever I smiled at him, he smiled back. I though maybe
I was just being overly confident, but Kelly leaned over and whispered to me,
"I swear, you walk out of the room, and that boy's shoulders slump. You come
back in, and his posture's good as that of a chair." I laughed and shook my head
at her, and she winked at me. "I swear, some of these titles miff me. I mean, 'Be
Bold With Bananas'? What is that about?" Tyler asked in disbelief as he stared
at a book in his hands. I laughed and replied, "Well, you seem to have a talent for
finding the bizarre within the ordinary." Tyler chuckled and nodded in agreement.
The bell over the door rang and a guy in a Northface jacket, dark jeans, and an
ironic-looking pair of Ray Benz sunglasses walked in. He was losing his grip
on a huge, heavy-looking box as he pushed the door open with his back and flicked
his dirty blond hair, which looked exceedingly oily, out of his face. He stumbled
over to the front desk and slammed the box down onto the uneven surface. A pile
of books on one side of the desk made the box sit lopsidedly. "The extra delivery
you ordered," he informed me, flicking his hair out of his face again. "Of course,"
I nodded, "Let me get Stephen." I smiled and turned, pulling open the door to the
back room. Stephen was typing relentlessly on his ancient computer. I informed
him of the package, and he stepped around his desk and me, walking into the store.
Curious, I stepped around his desk and looked at his computer screen. A Microsoft
Word document was open. Stephen had been writing. I leaned closer and read the
most recent sentence he had written. "And so the destroyed couple both had made
it to the places in the world which they had always dreamed of reaching- she on
Broadway, he on Wall Street. The physical location which they had achieved,
however, was exactly parallel to what they had dreamed." I smiled and stepped
back around the desk, into the little store.

© 2010

Monday, November 1, 2010

Broken Glass, Broken Hearts part 87

I had known that she would call some time. She couldn't put it off forever, though I didn't really know why she was putting it off. I was still shocked, though, when my phone rang and the caller id read, "Hawk Calling". I pressed talk quickly and said, "Sadie!"
"Hey, Tyler."
"Hey! Um...so, I haven't heard from you for a while...?"
"Yea." I paused, waiting for her to elaborate. It didn't seem like she was going to. "Why?"
"Tyler, I'm sorry, I just don't really want to do this."
"This..."
"I kissed you, Tyler, and you rejected me and moved back to your old town and your old girlfriend. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I know that we're not meant to be, or whatever. But I just think it's kind of ridiculous of you to think that anyone in the real world could really pull off the whole 'just friends' thing, especially under the awkward circumstances. I'd love to think that this could work out, Ty, and that we could stay best friends forever and talk to each other about our love lives, but I'd just be lying to myself. I'm a human being, Tyler, and so are you, and so, therefore, we have to be realistic and face the fact that this relationship is really at an end point." I was shocked, to say the least. I'd always known Sadie to be the monologue type, the rant type, one who, when her mind was made, would explain what she thought in an extremely thorough manner and would then proceed to stick to her belief and not even give you opinion a first glance, let alone a second one. I knew there was no way I could argue with her, no way I could change her mind. So I just said, sadly, "Well, it's been a good run, Hawk."
"I did enjoy our acquaintanceship, Tyler, and whatever else it was. Be seeing ya."
"Yea, bye, I guess."
I'd known she would call, but I guess I just hadn't seen our conversation going like that.

Dustin used to play the piano. Not well, and not often, but she couldn't sing well, and when she heard a song she loved she always wanted a way to play it herself, and since she couldn't sing it, she would learn it on the piano. She'd generally just learn the base chords, the melody, the simple parts, but when she was playing the piano, and the song that she loved spilled out from underneath under her fingers, even just the melody, she seemed like she had found bliss. I had always found the piano more frustrating than satisfying, and I had a decent enough voice that I could sing the songs I liked, and I didn't have to learn them on the piano. But, either way, we still had that small little keyboard resting underneath our couch. We never had a stand, Dustin would either put it on the table or just play it right there on the ground, "More like Bach," she said. Since summer was coming around, I decided to do a little cleaning out around the house. I was throwing away everything we didn't need, but when I pulled out that piano, it just seemed wrong to get rid of it. I knew we shouldn't cling to random little things just because they were Dustin's, I knew that was the sort of thing that kept us from growing, from moving forward. But there was something about that keyboard...it just seemed wrong to get rid of it. So I pushed it back under the couch, leaving the collected dust on the keys, where more would collect over time.

© 2010